Archives for posts with tag: Cher

Wigs, Weaves and Whatever….

Many women wear wigs, either because of illness, or fashion or they watch too much Bravo and they ordered a Kim Z special at a weak moment.

Some women think you just jam a wig on your head and off you go. FAIL. You need a ‘wig cap’ underneath – even if you are bald. Your head sweats and you do not want to sweat in your wig, because they it smells and you need to wash it, it’s a pain in the ass.

I have worn tons of wigs because I have been in period musicals and they needed my hair to look sort of like Imelda Marcos in 1975, and I didn’t have enough hair or energy for that. Who does?

A wig cap is a small piece of stocking like material, they sell it at wig stores – it looks like someone cut the foot off of panty hose (some people do use panty hose as a wig cap). You need a wig cap and pins. Bobby pins AND Hair Pins.

  1. If you have hair that is going under the wig cap, you need to pin curl your hair, depending on the length. What this is, is taking small sections of hair and twirling it so it becomes a spiral and goes close to your head, where you then pin it with bobby pins.
  2. After your head is entirely pin curled, place the wig cap on, pining it securely to your hair underneath – if your wig cap goes, so goes your wig – it’s like France in WW2.
  3. When your wig cap is secure, place your wig on top – you want to go and duck your head, carefully putting the back part on first, get your head really in there, and then adjust the front.
  4. You will then use HAIR PINS – not bobby pins, HAIR PINS that they sell at the drug store, to secure your wig. You pin the wig to your HAIR, through the wig cap. Get it – through the wig cap to your head. Do not skimp on the hair pins. Once it’s on, shake your head, HARD – if it doesn’t come off or move, you are good to go – get your Harajuku Girl on.
  5. Falls and Fake pony tails do not usually require a wig cap, but they do require hair pins and pulling your real hair back and putting on the fake ponytail OVER your own. Falls are the same, they go OVER your own hair so that you look like a Kardashian.

Extensions come in various lengths and styles, and it’s only in the last couple of years that Caucasian women have really started investing in good extensions, African American women are waaay ahead on the art of fake hair. In general, Asian and South Asian women aren’t that big into extensions simply because – it’s our hair they are using for the extensions! In general, if Asian women want full heads of hair, they can grow their own.

There are two kinds of extensions that I will discuss, because I am not a Hair Stylist, and because they are always advancing – clip ins, and sewn in. My friends that have had them done with glue, generally have had a problem. I know that there are always exceptions to this rule, your Stylist may be great with a  glue gun, but I am of the opinion that ‘crafting’ and hair are two completely different situations and should be treated as such. Glue on your scalp is a huge no no, and can be very damaging.

If you purchased a celebrity clip in extension, you should totally be able to handle it – and they are fun for the weekend,  or a show – and that is about it – I call those your “Party Hair”. They can be really cheap, or really pricey. What makes the difference is the quality of hair – is it real hair, or synthetic? I say, you pay what you feel comfortable with – and no one really looks that closely.

When you get extensions ‘sewn in’ to your hair, you want to get ‘real human hair’ and you need to go to a high quality place to have them done. I have not heard of a high end extension job costing under $500 in a major city. You want to spend the money on the high end for a few reasons:

  1. lasts longer – at least six months
  2. with your very experienced stylists, you will have less permanent follicle damage’ because they will know how to do it without ruining your scalp.
  3. there will not be telltale ‘bumps’ where your extensions are attached
  4. your color will probably be better matched than with synthetic, and possibly, if you are going uber-fancy and the color does not match, they can dye it to match if it’s real hair.
  5. Your hair always looks like what you paid for it, always. You can’t get around it, much as certain shampoos and companies say you can. They lie. It’s advertising.

There you go, a few lessons from you to me, Pinky Lee…wasn’t GREASE a crazy movie? I mean, now we have 50 year old teenagers on every television show, but THAT movie set the bar! Ah…BLESS…

A Fairy Princess should wave a wand of kindness as much as she can – yes, occasionally you must smack someone with the pointy end, but that is rare, so for the most part; be kind. Kind goes a long way and is reciprocated.

Be conscious that many of the Drag Queens there may be working, in that they are going to Host something, so if you ask for a photo and they say no, likely it’s because they are running late – or they’re a bitch, either way…keep it in mind.

Pride is many times, a Family Affair – so you will see plenty of straight people there, supporting their children, parents, uncles, aunties; so keep in mind that there may be some kids around, watch the potty mouth. Fairy Princesses don’t have to curse like a truck driver; that’s what Jackie Beat is for. As there are so many straight people mingling at Pride, it is perfectly ok to ask your Best Gay to keep a look out for your next Boyfriend, on the off-chance you are single. Kinda “Festivus for the Rest of Us” thing.

At PRIDE you will find speeches, rallies, and show stopping performances, many of which run adjacent to the street fair. There, depending on who is running the entertainment, will be a cavalcade of entertainers – singers, dance acts. Poetry, Drag Queens, Authors, and of course some celebrity that has a big Gay following. Yes, like Cher, or Deborah Gibson, or Tiffany, or RuPaul, or the cast of GLEE – you never know who needed their fix of unqualified love and support the day they were invited to sing.

People wander in and out of that part all day. I’ve done it, it’s fun – but not every act is going to be your taste, so it’s ok to cop a squat when you have some food, listen to the show, and then decide to wander again if you feel like it.

PRIDE generally spills into the local restaurants, and the whole area gets a festive feel – it’s one of my favorite things, oh look at that, I’m Maria Von Trapp…just when you think you have it under control…I digress. Sorry. Where was I? Liasons? No, oh yes, restaurants.

While I don’t believe in going to the Circuit Parties, partying with your Best Gays at their favorite watering hole is something I love doing, and I would cry copious buckets of sparkly tears if someone were to take it away. Do go out and eat and drink and have a mah-veh-lous time, and if you can, say marvelous like Marlene Dietrich. You can stay at some of those places all night and have a simply wonderful time flitting about, spreading glitter and sass in your wake. Sometimes the restaurants have a dance floor, and so it gets way ‘clubby’ at a certain time, and that is super fun.

The Marlene Dietrich says “Mah-vel-lous”

Dance Parties are also an aspect of PRIDE – look, it’s kind of Circuit-y – I generally wave my Best Gays who are off to the evening’s big theme party a ‘buh-bye’, and I continue on with those not going to that. Fairy Princesses can choose their own schedule. If you go to the Dance Party, no one will want to sleep with you, no one will really want to even talk to you – they will be busy getting sweaty and trying to get their groove on, you will be in the way. Even if your Best Gay tells you to come, say no – he’s not asking you sincerely.

Fairy Princesses do not have to poke their tiaras into all their Best Gay’s business.

Gay Dance Clubs during PRIDE, are different – as long as it’s not tied directly to Pride with anything other than a theme cocktail, in the Gay Dance Club it’s going to be business as usual and they’ll be all the fun aspects that you generally enjoy. Go ahead, sweat your ass off, why not?

Now, in other parts of the world, there are parades and are more tied to Pride and one of my favorite of those is, the Sydney Mardi Gras. You can find out more about this event at www.mardigras.org.au

They always have Divas and Drag Queens and lively events that Fairy Princesses are welcome at, and if not – go see the Blue Mountains, or the Opera House, or any of the hundreds of things Sydney and Australia in general, has to offer. You don’t have to feel like a ‘plus one’ in Australia, as there are tons of tourists and you can wend your way together or separately. Going to Australia for the Gay Mardi Gras is something that a Fairy Princess and her Best Gays should certainly do – at least once in their lifetimes.

(to be continued…)