Archives for category: Bears

A lot has been said this last week about a certain subject….

TEAM KHALEESI!!!!!!! (We Mother of Dragons have to stick together)

TEAM KHALEESI!!!!!!! (We Mothers of Dragons have to stick together)

No, no, no, no, no, no…..must not be distracted (But OMG, is not EVERYONE on pins and needles for Season 3? COME ON!)

What we, in the States have been watching closely this past week is not some sport that takes way too much attention and air time, or some Scandalous television show that has fairly graphic sex scenes for a show on ‘regular’ television (Ok, Ok, I just am OBSESSED with Kerry Washington’s mouth when she pulls a Chandra Wilson (but in an Olivia Pope way) monologue on people)

No, we’ve been watching these folks:

The Supremes...I mean, the Supreme Court Justices of the United States of America

The Supremes...I mean, the Supreme Court Justices of the United States of America

Not quite as attractive as these folks:

I seriously have a problem

I seriously have a problem

But those Justices have the ability to change the lives of some people I know and love, people like, well….these folks –

Two of my son's Uncles

Or these two, who had to fly to New York City to put a ring on it….

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Or you know…any of the people I know, who I have trusted to hold my child….

it was Halloween!

Relax, it was Halloween!

Here’s the thing – this:

Equality - UNDER THE LAW

Equality – UNDER THE LAW

is not going to hurt you!

It’s not going to change how you talk to your kids, it’s not going to change that you need to walk your dog before you leave the house for work, it’s not going to change the fact that Mayor Bloomberg is right and you shouldn’t buy that sugary beverage with the 12 tablespoons of sugar in it to go with your fast food….

But it could enhance the lives of people like…well, like….some of these people…

Photo by Brian Putnam

Photo by Brian Putnam

Or this guy….SparkleScott

Or them….

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The point is, it’s about the LAW. It is not about a book that has a dozen different authors, half of whom were cut out by King James because he was the King and he didn’t like what he was reading…or that he couldn’t read the Latin, so he had it translated, and then other people didn’t like some of the things, so they edited down, and now all sorts of ‘lost Bible texts’ have been showing up in the middle of the desert saved by some Ancient Egyptian Hoarder. It is a book where the contributing authors had the ‘intent’ of teaching and relating moral questions that can be useful…it’s not, it was never intended to be clinical or accurate.

Because miracles and such are not clinically quantifiable, and we do not need them to be. We just have to believe….

Otherwise I would be stoned for wearing white – and not just after Labor Day in the Hamptons!

Or my Father could have offered my sexual services to a teeming mob, so that they did not kill someone visiting the house.

Or..how about this- if you had to, in this modern age, find your way to a place you had never been before- would you use a compass or would you use Mapquest? Cuz the compass did not even work that well in Christopher Columbus’s time…I shudder to think of what kind of mess you would get into in Lower Manhattan!

The point is – this is the United States of America – not the “United as long as we all think and act exactly the same” America – and we get to be different. We get to celebrate our Diversity every day, and we are lucky to be able to do so. So if you know an LGBT person, if there is one in your Family, or someone you work with – it’s not your ‘job’ to judge them, it’s your duty to fight for their equality, the same way equality was fought for YOU by people that came before.

That is my relative, Mike Quill, Union Leader of the TWU- they fought, among other things, for equal pay regardless of race. When he passed, Martin Luther King Jr wrote his obituary

That is my relative, Mike Quill, Union Leader of the TWU – they fought, among other things, for equal pay regardless of race. When he passed, Martin Luther King Jr wrote his obituary

People you never met – you ride on their backs…we all do.

And speaking OF Martin Luther King, Jr.

And speaking OF Martin Luther King, Jr.

So that, truly, is the point.

It’s going to happen – either now or later, and we are all only as good as our actions.

What he said...

What he said…

I will tell you a story about the first Gay Wedding I went to. It was in Australia. My Cousin, Ralph was marrying his longtime Partner. Now Ralph had 3 siblings, none of whom attended the wedding – in fact, his Sister told me she thought it was ‘disgusting’. His Mother and Father were there, because as his Father said to me, “He’s my Boy”. I was in Cairns visiting my Grandmother who was then 90 years old…or maybe the 90th was coming up, anyway it was the same year – I went four times that year, so the timeline is off in my head. (Oh – and he had tons of friends there, so we did not miss his siblings at all, it was a lovely party, but I am jumping ahead)

There was a ton of debate – not to me, I was singing, I was GOING to be there – amongst those of the Family who were going to be invited, as to whether or not they would attend. As my Grandmother was in her 90th year, I waited a bit before I brought it up, because I was not, honestly, sure of what she was going to say. The world was a different place from when she had grown up. She was born in 1910. She had seen telephones come into homes, she had seen cars become an everyday item. She had seen the television go from black and white to color, and she had even managed to email. You might think, at that point, that she would have said ‘that’s enough, I’ve seen enough change in my life’.

I said, “Grandma, you know I am singing at Ralphie’s wedding“. She said she knew. I asked her “Are you going to go?” And she said, “Well of course I’m going to go – I’m invited, aren’t I? We’re family aren’t we? I go to ALL the Family weddings.”

And that was that.

As Family, we were equal in my Grandmother’s eyes.

As Citizens of the United States, we deserve that as well.

And if you do not like what I’m saying….Kiss my Fan Tan Fannie!

I usually do not post photos of my son on this blog, because he is so cute I think someone will steal him. After all, he was born in the Year of the Dragon and we all know what happened to Khaleesi in Season 2! (Damn Magicians). But I wanted you to see part of his Family…and this is only PART (and most of y’all I didn’t put in because I thought you’d yell at me or cuz u r on a big, fat TV show).

And even if you WERE to attempt to try and steal him, all of these were months ago and he doesn’t look like this anymore…

He’s cuter. 🙂

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Ah Tuesday, it seems so innocuous…it’s just there, the morning on which I recover from singing at Musical Mondays – last night bedecked in sequins and feathers, ok the feather part was new, usually I just look like Honey Boo Boo’s older Asian Auntie.

However, it seems that things can happen on a Tuesday, Virginia, oh yes they can. On Tuesday, while catching up on social media time suck, one of my friends posted this article from a waaay far right, so far right they are actually in the ocean, so far right, they circle the globe with their far right-ness and smack themselves in their own ass website, that I thought it was a joke.

It’s called   14 Outrageous Secrets that a Homosexual will never tell you

Needless to say, I was intrigued – after all, I have heard it ALL, Grrl – there’s almost nothing that a Homosexual at some point has NOT told me. Sometimes, I pretend I am Madonna’s son Rocco, and I start screaming “Stop Talking, Stop Talking!”  I wish I could find that clip from the DRIVEN special on MTV to show you. It’s kind of amazing, because at some point, haven’t we all wished we could yell at Madonna to stop talking? Or at least stop talking with an English accent – I mean, she is not from the mythical country of Europea!

Anyway, I started reading, and immediately I started laughing, because I thought this was a ‘joke’ blog. You know, like The Onion – but…it’s not. So I thought, as good Fairy Princesses should, I would go through it and, well, discuss – His statements have been ‘bolded’, and my answers are beneath.

‘1. Homosexuals Bleach Their Anuses – probably to cover bruises or lashes from sadomasochist sessions”

It’s Los Angeles – we bleach everything. The entire city often seems sponsored by Clorox. Anal Bleaching in LA is like getting your teeth capped, or a photo facial – both women and men do it – and truly, I know more women that do, because straight men like them to wear thong, tha-tha-tha- thongs.

Hair? Check. Teeth? Check.
Anus? I’ll leave that to a tatted up Rock Star

‘2. Mutual Masturbation is the Primary Reason for Gym Membership

Dude – I worked at a Gay Gym. The primary reason for Gay men buying gym membership is so that their long term partner doesn’t poke their tum-tum and say, “Hey, you’re looking a little chunky, Monkey”.

You know what the difference is between Straight men joining a gym and Gay men joining a gym?

Gay men GO to the gym.

C’mon, you’d totally ‘hit it’

Also, the classes at a Gay Gym? TOTALLY BETTER than at a Straight Gym!  Yeah, straight gyms rarely have the latest equiptment or Showtune Spinning or AfroBrazilian Dance or anything other than Step Aerobics with Jane Fonda’s choreo from the 80’s. That is why Straight women go to Gay Gyms – better classes, cleaner facilities, no lines at the bathroom, and no one lewdly giving them the eye while they try and stretch out their hamstrings.

‘3. Homosexual Marriage will usher in an epoch of international terror.’

I have been to several Gay Weddings. Unless you are terrified of a tasteful flower arrangement, or think that they are hiding anal bleaching kits in the amuse bouches, there’s nothing to be scared of. Unless you are the Caterer and the food is bad, then you SHOULD be terrified – I mean, this is a GD Gay Wedding – there are STANDARDS!

And btw, Entertainment at Gay Weddings? Awesome. Like, Broadway superstars stopping by to throw down a tune or two Awesome. And if they can’t make it, call me…

4) Heterosexual women are far less likely to get married if they socialize with gays.

I am a Fag Hag, I am Married, I have a kid. I am also thanked in 5 Gay Books, and am even on the cover of one:

I am totally thinner now, fyi

 ‘5) Same sex desires are purposely being spread from humans to the animal kingdom.’

I watch Animal Planet and National Geographic. Animals that are homosexual in the wild include dolphins, monkeys, giraffes, penguins, sea gulls, koalas, cattle, chimpanzees, caribou, bison, brown bears and cats (not the musical, but…well, it IS a musical).  I’ve got a little list, I’ve got a little list….

6) The radical liberal agenda of early television shows lured many youngsters into the dark world of promiscuity.’

He blames GOLDEN GIRLS

I would have gone with “Designing Women” myself….

7) Gay bars operate along the same principles as Muslim terrorist cells.’

What Gay Bars has he been going to? He should come with me, I go to some really fun ones.

‘8) Today’s youth generation is using sex as a weapon to destroy American values.’

He blames the Twinks.

First of all, how does he know the word “Twink”? Methinks he doth protest too much. Perhaps he has been tap tap tapping on the bathroom stall floor? Let’s be honest -Sex as a weapon is usually the domain of Mistresses and Wives who know their Husbands are cheating.

I blame Twinks for stuff too, but mostly for things like calling Steel Magnolias ‘that old timey film from like, the twenties, right?”

For not knowing who Greta Garbo was!

OR for insisting Lady Gaga is better than Madonna! UH….there would BE no Lady Gaga without Madonna, cuz if none of us elders learned to “Express Ourselves”, Y’all couldn’t line dance to “Born This Way”.

‘9) Hardcore sodomy is the most common way same-sex adherents achieve gratification.’

To which I reply “Sodomy, it’s between God and Me..” and every other lyric from RENT.

Also – Comment dis tu Rough Trade, Mr. Billings?

’10) New York Magazine is a hotbed of secret homosexual propaganda.’

This one?

Maybe this one?

A straight guy did this makeup

’11) The foulest excesses of sexual congress known to mankind are held among a highly exclusive group known as the “bears,” but the mainstream media refuses to investigate them.’

Investigate Bears? Why? Bears are sweet, besides you ever see a Bear with Forty Foot…

Sorry, sometimes I inadvertently Sondheim. But why investigate? Are they missing? Here’s some you can find right on the shelf. Go ahead, investigate them. To do it REALLY well, you have to buy their books.

Here’s what I have to say about ‘Bears” – best bunch of guys you will ever know. Bears will  give you a hug when you need it. Bears will invite you to dinner parties and won’t judge when you have seconds.

Now, have I been to ‘raunchy’ Bear parties? Yes – and it’s always an accident. I have also been to Fraternity Parties – and this is what I have to say about that – as far as I know, no woman has ever been raped and gotten pregnant at a Bear Party. I cannot say the same for a Fraternity Party, because it happened to a friend of mine.

Bear Party v. Fraternity Party?

Bear Party, paws down.

12) Glee is intentionally recruiting children into the world of homosexuality.’

I don’t like mash ups of Show Tunes and I find Rachel insufferable. However is it ‘recruiting’? No. If it was recruiting, there would be a piece of paper to sign up – and the last time I checked West Hollywood, I didn’t see a list. I was there Monday.

’13) Rachel Maddow is a liberal, a lesbian and a lousy newsreader.’

SHOCKING, he is  threatened and yet attracted to Rachel Maddow? Yeah, she is kinda hot – as are most brainy women.

14) Cat ownership is a sad substitute for healthy, Christian relationships.’

This one had me ROLLING on the floor! I am NOT a Cat Person, I’m allergic. But how is this an Outrageous Gay Secret? Everyone knows that Cat People are weird – that’s why they are Cat People. Are Gay Cat People weirder than Straight ones?

Well…as I say, I watch Animal Planet – the people that are hoarding the cats? Straight people. Also, their cats are ferrell and gross looking. I have seen tons of Gay Owned cats, and ya know what? They are better groomed than I am! And I wear sequins!

Look – his whole article is ridiculous, steeped in prejudice and fear. The Fairy Princess takes a dim view of dim people. You know who cares about ‘the Homosexual Agenda” in my mind?

People who are closeted, self loathing homosexuals.

You know who is NOT worried about “The Homosexual Agenda”?

Everyone else.

How is this in ANY way Christian? That’s like me saying I am a Deep Sea Fisherman because I eat sushi. To quote Dolly Parton in a really bad movie “Get down off the Cross, someone needs the wood”.

The Fairy Princess believes that if you read the Bible, you will see that part where it says we were all created in God’s image. All. That means everyone. That means, actually….the Deity has a bit of a flair.

Think about it.