What, you may ask, is this blog going to be about? Well, likely it is going to address things that tick me off – and most everything does these days because I recently gave birth, which makes you irritable, but what irks me MOST is the unschooled-ness of the new Fairy Princesses running around WeHo or Chelsea, who are giving Fag Hags a bad name.
Of course, me being me, I will likely sound off on things that I am also somewhat of an ‘expert’ on – Musical Theater, Pop Culture, and People Who Parent Badly in Public, but mostly, it will be me being me, which means I’m going to teach you how to be a better Fag Hag aka Fairy Princess aka Fruit Fly.
What, you may ask, is a Fag Hag? Well, in old school parlance, a Fag Hag was used to denote an unattractive somewhat clingy woman who only hung around with Gay Men who seemed to be under the delusion that if she stuck it long enough, one would see the error of his ways, and fall madly in love with her, “Just as you are….”. But then Bridget Jones started singing Adele songs and a new world order was born.
I have been called a Fag Hag since, probably…well at least to my FACE (NOT THE FACE, YES, the FACE)…I would say college – and I both embraced it and resented it – and here’s why….
1. I never thought my Gay friends would give up the sexual member of both our choices and fall madly in love with me
2. I never hung out ONLY with Gay Men, although yes, the majority of my time was spent with Gay Men, it was likely because I was majoring in Musical Theater Vocal Performance…as in Real Estate, it’s ‘Location, location, location”
3. I had female friends – Straight ones, Gay ones, even Republican ones…& I like my Gal Pals
4. I felt that the term “Fruit Fly’ was more apt for me, because I kind of buzzed in and out and around the scene and I always dressed cute and wore makeup.
I think I was focusing too much on the “hag” part of the title…it just screamed “Witchy Poo” to me, come to think of it, she was always chasing after better looking unattainable mates she could not have…(OMG, I just outed Witchy Poo as a Fag Hag….God will get me for that, Stanley….)
Now though, I embrace it – it’s who I am and I would be lost, lost, LOST, without my Gays. I would have no one to complain to about how awful the TONY Broadcast was…again (WHAT is up with the sound issues? It is Radio Damn City Music Hall and no one can get through without subbing in a hand held mic? WTF!), no one would stage an ‘eyebrow intervention” (“You are coming to my apartment every three days until that mess is FIXED and there is no debate about it, Quill!”), no one would offer to beat someone up after a particularly bad date (“Give me his address…now), and I would have a rainbow shaped hole in my heart. They have been ‘there’ for me in every aspect of my life, including most recently, the delivery room, where, during a particularly bad 26 hour labor, my friend John, the nurse, talked me down while I was semi-hysterical because I could not feel my legs for several hours. They walked my Sister & Mother down the aisle at my wedding, they helped my Husband with the wedding proposal, they have given me love, support, and a career….I would be adrift without them. My friend Dennis once said to me, “We lose most of our Girls when they get married, but you’re still here”, to which I replied, “What’s the saying? You dance with the one what brought you?” Yeah, it’s like that.
I think, what it really comes down to, is that people like to tell me things, and I listen. I have had more Gay Men come out to me than an Open Call at an Ice Capades Audition. I used to joke that Fag Hags in WeHo should have special parking priviledges, and when asked why my cell phone was pink, I would respond ‘Because every time it rings, it’s a Gay Emergency.” In my younger days, I admit, I may have helped shove one or two out of their Lion, Witch, & Wardrobe (I do not advocate that now), but I have been the recipient of much love along the way. I am constantly amazed at the things I get told, why, today I was at the diner with my Husband, and the waitress wound up telling me how she had terrible Post Partum Depression. I turned to him after she left and said, “What was that?” and he replied, “It’s you. It’s just you, this is why you should blog, people just tell you stuff.” so if you don’t like it, blame Chil. No really, he’s on Twitter – @ChilKong send him stuff, he can take it, he’s tall. I’m on the Twittah as well – @EQuill – I do not have a separate twitter for this blog yet, and to ask me to double tweet when I have a newborn is redonkulous, I won’t do it – you are not the Boss of me….
My point, and I do have one, is that I respond a proud YES when asked if I am a Fag Hag, or a Fruit Fly, OR a Fairy Princess – it’s all a YES – I like Princess best, because let’s face it, I’m not Kate Middleton and every girl wants a crown once in a while – whether or not you are willing to stroll through a Gay Mardi Gras to get it, is up to you.
They say to ‘write what you know’, well THIS is what I know – and before you make some crazy judgements based on what is previously written, I’ll let you know a few things that may surprise you:
1. I’m married, to a straight man (though he did coach Beauty Pageant Contestants once upon a time)
2. I sing Show Tunes for a living, and my dresses are as glittery as any drag queen would want them to be.I was an Original Broadway Cast Member of the musical, Avenue Q, I was in the 50th Anniversary Production of Flower Drum Song, I have been in front of the camera and behind – having written 2 screenplays that became films (The Mikado Project avail on DVD on Amazon.com & QWERTY which is in ‘post’). I have worked in Casting, Commercial Production, as a Director’s Rep, written on Diversity issues, and…before people “Watched What Happens Live” 5 nights a week, I did a talk show Pilot for Bravo with Andy Cohen, which you must admit, ups my Fairy Princess Street Cred quite a bit. I also have friends who are very fancy and they run Broadway and Hollywood, no, I mean really, they REALLY run Broadway and Hollywood – so….I might have a few insights along the way that you might appreciate.
3. I have a kid, he’s a newborn, but he counts…ok, he doesn’t actually count or even talk yet, but his very existence means I am writing this at bitch in the morning in between feedings
4. I am ‘thanked’ in 5 Gay Books in the credits, what can I say? I’m a Muse – yes, JUST like Sharon Stone – however I am very fond of Filipinos, particularly Alec Mapa 🙂
5. I advocate and support the GLBT community and this blog is all in fun with a grain of truth – I’ve helped raise $$$ for Broadway Cares/EFA, The Matthew Shepard Foundation, Desert AIDS Project, The LA GLBT Center, The Trevor Project, and so on and so on…
6. I am writing this because I have noticed as I get older that…well, them young’ens do not seem to have been taught Gay Community ettiquette – and there is just NOT enough of me, or some of my equally strong minded Fairy Princesses to go around..we’re busy, we have lives, so this is, if you will, a road map on how to be a good friend – a good friend who probably has only one or two straight men in her phone. (I have 7, straight men in my phone…none on speed dial except the Husband).
AND SO IT BEGINS…..