Archives for category: Gay Republicans

A lot has been said this last week about a certain subject….

TEAM KHALEESI!!!!!!! (We Mother of Dragons have to stick together)

TEAM KHALEESI!!!!!!! (We Mothers of Dragons have to stick together)

No, no, no, no, no, no…..must not be distracted (But OMG, is not EVERYONE on pins and needles for Season 3? COME ON!)

What we, in the States have been watching closely this past week is not some sport that takes way too much attention and air time, or some Scandalous television show that has fairly graphic sex scenes for a show on ‘regular’ television (Ok, Ok, I just am OBSESSED with Kerry Washington’s mouth when she pulls a Chandra Wilson (but in an Olivia Pope way) monologue on people)

No, we’ve been watching these folks:

The Supremes...I mean, the Supreme Court Justices of the United States of America

The Supremes...I mean, the Supreme Court Justices of the United States of America

Not quite as attractive as these folks:

I seriously have a problem

I seriously have a problem

But those Justices have the ability to change the lives of some people I know and love, people like, well….these folks –

Two of my son's Uncles

Or these two, who had to fly to New York City to put a ring on it….

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Or you know…any of the people I know, who I have trusted to hold my child….

it was Halloween!

Relax, it was Halloween!

Here’s the thing – this:

Equality - UNDER THE LAW

Equality – UNDER THE LAW

is not going to hurt you!

It’s not going to change how you talk to your kids, it’s not going to change that you need to walk your dog before you leave the house for work, it’s not going to change the fact that Mayor Bloomberg is right and you shouldn’t buy that sugary beverage with the 12 tablespoons of sugar in it to go with your fast food….

But it could enhance the lives of people like…well, like….some of these people…

Photo by Brian Putnam

Photo by Brian Putnam

Or this guy….SparkleScott

Or them….

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The point is, it’s about the LAW. It is not about a book that has a dozen different authors, half of whom were cut out by King James because he was the King and he didn’t like what he was reading…or that he couldn’t read the Latin, so he had it translated, and then other people didn’t like some of the things, so they edited down, and now all sorts of ‘lost Bible texts’ have been showing up in the middle of the desert saved by some Ancient Egyptian Hoarder. It is a book where the contributing authors had the ‘intent’ of teaching and relating moral questions that can be useful…it’s not, it was never intended to be clinical or accurate.

Because miracles and such are not clinically quantifiable, and we do not need them to be. We just have to believe….

Otherwise I would be stoned for wearing white – and not just after Labor Day in the Hamptons!

Or my Father could have offered my sexual services to a teeming mob, so that they did not kill someone visiting the house.

Or..how about this- if you had to, in this modern age, find your way to a place you had never been before- would you use a compass or would you use Mapquest? Cuz the compass did not even work that well in Christopher Columbus’s time…I shudder to think of what kind of mess you would get into in Lower Manhattan!

The point is – this is the United States of America – not the “United as long as we all think and act exactly the same” America – and we get to be different. We get to celebrate our Diversity every day, and we are lucky to be able to do so. So if you know an LGBT person, if there is one in your Family, or someone you work with – it’s not your ‘job’ to judge them, it’s your duty to fight for their equality, the same way equality was fought for YOU by people that came before.

That is my relative, Mike Quill, Union Leader of the TWU- they fought, among other things, for equal pay regardless of race. When he passed, Martin Luther King Jr wrote his obituary

That is my relative, Mike Quill, Union Leader of the TWU – they fought, among other things, for equal pay regardless of race. When he passed, Martin Luther King Jr wrote his obituary

People you never met – you ride on their backs…we all do.

And speaking OF Martin Luther King, Jr.

And speaking OF Martin Luther King, Jr.

So that, truly, is the point.

It’s going to happen – either now or later, and we are all only as good as our actions.

What he said...

What he said…

I will tell you a story about the first Gay Wedding I went to. It was in Australia. My Cousin, Ralph was marrying his longtime Partner. Now Ralph had 3 siblings, none of whom attended the wedding – in fact, his Sister told me she thought it was ‘disgusting’. His Mother and Father were there, because as his Father said to me, “He’s my Boy”. I was in Cairns visiting my Grandmother who was then 90 years old…or maybe the 90th was coming up, anyway it was the same year – I went four times that year, so the timeline is off in my head. (Oh – and he had tons of friends there, so we did not miss his siblings at all, it was a lovely party, but I am jumping ahead)

There was a ton of debate – not to me, I was singing, I was GOING to be there – amongst those of the Family who were going to be invited, as to whether or not they would attend. As my Grandmother was in her 90th year, I waited a bit before I brought it up, because I was not, honestly, sure of what she was going to say. The world was a different place from when she had grown up. She was born in 1910. She had seen telephones come into homes, she had seen cars become an everyday item. She had seen the television go from black and white to color, and she had even managed to email. You might think, at that point, that she would have said ‘that’s enough, I’ve seen enough change in my life’.

I said, “Grandma, you know I am singing at Ralphie’s wedding“. She said she knew. I asked her “Are you going to go?” And she said, “Well of course I’m going to go – I’m invited, aren’t I? We’re family aren’t we? I go to ALL the Family weddings.”

And that was that.

As Family, we were equal in my Grandmother’s eyes.

As Citizens of the United States, we deserve that as well.

And if you do not like what I’m saying….Kiss my Fan Tan Fannie!

I usually do not post photos of my son on this blog, because he is so cute I think someone will steal him. After all, he was born in the Year of the Dragon and we all know what happened to Khaleesi in Season 2! (Damn Magicians). But I wanted you to see part of his Family…and this is only PART (and most of y’all I didn’t put in because I thought you’d yell at me or cuz u r on a big, fat TV show).

And even if you WERE to attempt to try and steal him, all of these were months ago and he doesn’t look like this anymore…

He’s cuter. ūüôā

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Ah Tuesday, it seems so innocuous…it’s just there, the morning on which I recover from singing at Musical Mondays – last night bedecked in sequins and feathers, ok the feather part was new, usually I just look like Honey Boo Boo’s older Asian Auntie.

However, it seems that things can happen on a Tuesday, Virginia, oh yes they can. On Tuesday, while catching up on social media time suck, one of my friends posted this article from a waaay far right, so far right they are actually in the ocean, so far right, they circle the globe with their far right-ness and smack themselves in their own ass website, that I thought it was a joke.

It’s called ¬† 14 Outrageous Secrets that a Homosexual will never tell you

Needless to say, I was intrigued – after all, I have heard it ALL, Grrl – there’s almost nothing that a Homosexual at some point has NOT told me. Sometimes, I pretend I am Madonna’s son Rocco, and I start screaming “Stop Talking, Stop Talking!”¬† I wish I could find that clip from the DRIVEN special on MTV to show you. It’s kind of amazing, because at some point, haven’t we all wished we could yell at Madonna to stop talking? Or at least stop talking with an English accent – I mean, she is not from the mythical country of Europea!

Anyway, I started reading, and immediately I started laughing, because I thought this was a ‘joke’ blog. You know, like The Onion – but…it’s not. So I thought, as good Fairy Princesses should, I would go through it and, well, discuss – His statements have been ‘bolded’, and my answers are beneath.

‘1. Homosexuals Bleach Their Anuses – probably to cover bruises or lashes from sadomasochist sessions”

It’s Los Angeles – we bleach everything. The entire city often seems sponsored by Clorox. Anal Bleaching in LA is like getting your teeth capped, or a photo facial – both women and men do it – and truly, I know more women that do, because straight men like them to wear thong, tha-tha-tha- thongs.

Hair? Check. Teeth? Check.
Anus? I’ll leave that to a tatted up Rock Star

‘2. Mutual Masturbation is the Primary Reason for Gym Membership

Dude – I worked at a Gay Gym. The primary reason for Gay men buying gym membership is so that their long term partner doesn’t poke their tum-tum and say, “Hey, you’re looking a little chunky, Monkey”.

You know what the difference is between Straight men joining a gym and Gay men joining a gym?

Gay men GO to the gym.

C’mon, you’d totally ‘hit it’

Also, the classes at a Gay Gym? TOTALLY BETTER than at a Straight Gym!¬† Yeah, straight gyms rarely have the latest equiptment or Showtune Spinning or AfroBrazilian Dance or anything other than Step Aerobics with Jane Fonda’s choreo from the 80’s. That is why Straight women go to Gay Gyms – better classes, cleaner facilities, no lines at the bathroom, and no one lewdly giving them the eye while they try and stretch out their hamstrings.

‘3. Homosexual Marriage will usher in an epoch of international terror.’

I have been to several Gay Weddings. Unless you are terrified of a tasteful flower arrangement, or think that they are hiding anal bleaching kits in the amuse bouches, there’s nothing to be scared of. Unless you are the Caterer and the food is bad, then you SHOULD be terrified – I mean, this is a GD Gay Wedding – there are STANDARDS!

And btw, Entertainment at Gay Weddings? Awesome. Like, Broadway superstars stopping by to throw down a tune or two Awesome. And if they can’t make it, call me…

4) Heterosexual women are far less likely to get married if they socialize with gays.

I am a Fag Hag, I am Married, I have a kid. I am also thanked in 5 Gay Books, and am even on the cover of one:

I am totally thinner now, fyi

¬†‘5) Same sex desires are purposely being spread from humans to the animal kingdom.’

I watch Animal Planet and National Geographic. Animals that are homosexual in the wild include dolphins, monkeys, giraffes, penguins, sea gulls, koalas, cattle, chimpanzees, caribou, bison, brown bears and cats (not the musical, but…well, it IS a musical).¬† I’ve got a little list, I’ve got a little list….

6) The radical liberal agenda of early television shows lured many youngsters into the dark world of promiscuity.’

He blames GOLDEN GIRLS

I would have gone with “Designing Women” myself….

7) Gay bars operate along the same principles as Muslim terrorist cells.’

What Gay Bars has he been going to? He should come with me, I go to some really fun ones.

‘8) Today‚Äôs youth generation is using sex as a weapon to destroy American values.’

He blames the Twinks.

First of all, how does he know the word “Twink”? Methinks he doth protest too much. Perhaps he has been tap tap tapping on the bathroom stall floor? Let’s be honest -Sex as a weapon is usually the domain of Mistresses and Wives who know their Husbands are cheating.

I blame Twinks for stuff too, but mostly for things like calling Steel Magnolias ‘that old timey film from like, the twenties, right?”

For not knowing who Greta Garbo was!

OR for insisting Lady Gaga is better than Madonna! UH….there would BE no Lady Gaga without Madonna, cuz if none of us elders learned to “Express Ourselves”, Y’all couldn’t line dance to “Born This Way”.

‘9) Hardcore sodomy is the most common way same-sex adherents achieve gratification.’

To which I reply “Sodomy, it’s between God and Me..” and every other lyric from RENT.

Also – Comment dis tu Rough Trade, Mr. Billings?

’10) New York Magazine is a hotbed of secret homosexual propaganda.’

This one?

Maybe this one?

A straight guy did this makeup

’11) The foulest excesses of sexual congress known to mankind are held among a highly exclusive group known as the ‚Äúbears,‚ÄĚ but the mainstream media refuses to investigate them.’

Investigate Bears? Why? Bears are sweet, besides you ever see a Bear with Forty Foot…

Sorry, sometimes I inadvertently Sondheim. But why investigate? Are they missing? Here’s some you can find right on the shelf. Go ahead, investigate them. To do it REALLY well, you have to buy their books.

Here’s what I have to say about ‘Bears” – best bunch of guys you will ever know. Bears will¬† give you a hug when you need it. Bears will invite you to dinner parties and won’t judge when you have seconds.

Now, have I been to ‘raunchy’ Bear parties? Yes – and it’s always an accident. I have also been to Fraternity Parties – and this is what I have to say about that – as far as I know, no woman has ever been raped and gotten pregnant at a Bear Party. I cannot say the same for a Fraternity Party, because it happened to a friend of mine.

Bear Party v. Fraternity Party?

Bear Party, paws down.

12) Glee is intentionally recruiting children into the world of homosexuality.’

I don’t like mash ups of Show Tunes and I find Rachel insufferable. However is it ‘recruiting’? No. If it was recruiting, there would be a piece of paper to sign up – and the last time I checked West Hollywood, I didn’t see a list. I was there Monday.

’13) Rachel Maddow is a liberal, a lesbian and a lousy newsreader.’

SHOCKING, he is  threatened and yet attracted to Rachel Maddow? Yeah, she is kinda hot Рas are most brainy women.

14) Cat ownership is a sad substitute for healthy, Christian relationships.’

This one had me ROLLING on the floor! I am NOT a Cat Person, I’m allergic. But how is this an Outrageous Gay Secret? Everyone knows that Cat People are weird – that’s why they are Cat People. Are Gay Cat People weirder than Straight ones?

Well…as I say, I watch Animal Planet – the people that are hoarding the cats? Straight people. Also, their cats are ferrell and gross looking. I have seen tons of Gay Owned cats, and ya know what? They are better groomed than I am! And I wear sequins!

Look – his whole article is ridiculous, steeped in prejudice and fear. The Fairy Princess takes a dim view of dim people. You know who cares about ‘the Homosexual Agenda” in my mind?

People who are closeted, self loathing homosexuals.

You know who is NOT worried about “The Homosexual Agenda”?

Everyone else.

How is this in ANY way Christian? That’s like me saying I am a Deep Sea Fisherman because I eat sushi. To quote Dolly Parton in a really bad movie “Get down off the Cross, someone needs the wood”.

The Fairy Princess believes that if you read the Bible, you will see that part where it says we were all created in God’s image. All. That means everyone. That means, actually….the Deity has a bit of a flair.

Think about it.

The Fairy Princess has been notably absent from the world wide interweb for a few weeks – which in cyber space is a time as lengthy as it takes a child to grow. I was too sad¬† to write, but eventually, I did get to thinking that it’s time that I took a stand on a key issue plaguing our fair nation. There has been huge debate. It is time I stood up…

I’m just going to say it. Get ready….

I watch Honey Boo Boo.

The one, the only Honey Boo Boo

There, I said it. I know you are all supposing I laugh at “A Dolla Makes Me Holla” type comments, and I do –¬† but not for the reasons you might think. I laugh, because Alana has a rampant amount joy in her, and that Family loves one another and has a great time.

The Fairy Princess like happy families, and if they are happy families who do pageants and dumpster dives,¬† so be it. Maybe, having just lost my Dad, I am getting more pleasure than I would have thought possible at watching a Family who gets along. What fun to watch an Actually Real Housewife! I mean, who wouldn’t enjoy a Teen Mom who is not smacking around her Baby Daddy on MTV while trying to juggle a possible modeling career and defending her breast implants?

There are no breast implants on Honey Boo Boo…though, it IS only the first season.

Look at Glitzy ‘hoggin’ the middle of the photo

In HBB world,  Momma June sometimes rolls out a tarp and makes a mud pit at the end of it with a hose, so her kids can slip and slide in the crazy hotness of a Georgia summer.  I am a Mom now, and if my son came and asked me for a slippery slide, I would move heaven and earth to get him one Рeven if the earth was in my flowerbed and eventually became ooze that infiltrated every fiber of the Berber carpet. He wants mud, he gets mud.

I also love that Momma June Shannon is making Kris Jenner k-rap her pants with the thought that they may ‘out ratings‘ the giant K! (Kris Jenner would never make a mud pit in her Calabasas Castle of K, unless she thought throwing Kim and Kanye in it would result in K-illions of dollars.) Kris does not find Honey Boo Boo very K-lassy. Not having Kris Kommendation¬† keeps Honey Boo Boo up past kurfew….nah, her bedtime is probably at 8pm.

The Shannons have a crazy house, but no crazier than any other house I have been to in my world travels, so….if Alana wants to have a gay mini-pig named Glitzy who does pageants with her, well slap that piglet into a tiara and let’s go! (Alas Glitzy had to go, because there was a Grandbaby coming, farewell Glitzy, we hardly knew ye)

If what makes people uncomfortable about the show is that, as Alana says herself, they are fat, well…so what? As Christmas Eve from Avenue Q says, “People come in all shapes and sizes”.

Rod wants you to REGISTER!

I love that Momma June knows she’s a catch – she’s pretty sure that she’s going to clean up real nice as soon as she ‘slaps some paint on this ol’ barn’.¬† I wish I was as confident as Momma June. See that? We can learn confidence from a 307 lb mother of four, who lives with her Baby Daddy in rural Georgia. Truly, she has more energy than I, and definitely better math, because Extreme Couponing? Couldn’t do it. Not in a million years.

I love Big Ang too. Big Ang would never whack anyone, I know that in my heart. Even if she went to, her spray tan would make the weapon slippery and she would rather do shots at the Drunken Monkey anyway. No, Big Ang would not whack anyone, I know that in my heart. (Karen or Renee, I’m not so sure about)

I am hitting The Drunken Monkey next time I’m on Staten Island

I have heard quite a lot, lately, about what makes a Family. Apparently we are allowed to judge on major television networks and in sound bites. The Fairy Princess does not enjoy this part of the electoral process.

Judging should be isolated to Talent Shows and Olympic Events. Those are things where there can be a clear winner – did Ussain Bolt come in first? Why yes he did, so…HE WINS! End of story. Kelly Clarkson sang her face off,¬† while that guy with the curly hair…had curly hair. KELLY WINS! End of story. (I gave up on AI after the first season)

The Fairy Princess has a very low view of those who would render Families asunder, based on who the Parents love. It was not so long ago in our Country, that a marriage between members of different races was illegal. Which would have made a difference to me, cuz, well…

I’m around 1 in this, don’t hate, appreciate.

And of course, would have been a bit of an issue for this guy:

Cool even then…

Who then became THIS guy:

The President of the United States

My point, and I do have one, is that people are programmed to love, but as Rogers & Hammerstein told us in South Pacific, to hate you ‘Have to be carefully taught“.

Love is not a reality show, no matter how many times MTV, VH-1, or ABC try to make us think so.

No, I will NOT accept this rose! This rose is unacceptable!

Honey Boo Boo’s Family sometimes does Extreme Couponing and sometimes they do Pageants. S’all good – sometimes I sing show tunes and wear glittery dresses, and sometimes I scrub the toilet while yelling at my Husband about his aim, that is not the point. The point is that Honey Boo Boo is one kind of Family, and my Husband and Son and I are another. I would consider them both equal.

The Fairy Princess has read, but does not rule her life by a Book that had more Ghost Writers than a Tom Cruise Press Release. The Fairy Princess would not take kindly to stoning anyone. (Unless they were unkind to children or animals – but I would probably call Big Ang for referrals).

There can be inspiration without condemnation.

The Fairy Princess believes in Families, and in Love, and in Science – and they are all compatible beliefs. The Fairy Princess, overwhelmingly believes in the practice of¬† compassion and generosity of spirit – and that Families come in all shapes and sizes.¬† Saying that one kind of Family is ‘first’ and using it to lambast another kind of Family is to deny what is most important about the word “Family”, and that is Love.

The Fairy Princess asks, as you vote this November, to please remember¬† that no matter what ‘differences’ you may see or believe there are between us, we are not all that different when you get past the surface –

We all put our tiaras on, one cubic zirconia at a time, don’t we?