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Last week, David Henry Hwang congratulated my lovely pal, @MsLisaChang on her recent blog posting about the Royal Shakespeare Company. Much merriment was had by all, and I realized though I had written quite a lot about a variety of subjects, I had not put in my bio so no one was really sure of who was writing.

So here goes – (Oooh, maybe I should write it in the third person….first person is soooo awkward for bios). Otherwise this is going to sound like a songwriter’s endless “And then I wrote…” cabaret – and while life IS, and I have done a lot of it, I think the third person is the way to go. I’ll put a photo up though, so we are all clear who we are talking about:

Erin Quill - The Fairy Princess

Erin Quill – The Fairy Princess

ERIN QUILL holds a BFA from Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh. She was in the Original Broadway Company of AVENUE Q.  She was in the 50th Anniversary Production of  FLOWER DRUM SONG as Madame Liang. She toured as Lady Thiang opposite Debby Boone in THE KING & I. (She is obviously very grateful to Rogers & Hammerstein)

She has also appeared in NON Asian specific roles in musicals such as – Godspell, Pippin, Closer Than Ever, Anything Goes, and some straight plays, the NY Comedy Festival, The NYMPH and so on.

 

As a blogger, she has been instrumental in bringing to light the disparity of Asian American (among others) representation in entertainment, with a focus on, but not limited to, the American theatrical stage. Her writings have had an impact in several instances – particularly in the rise of theater conferences about the lack of API representation, the cancellation of the All- API production of SHOW BOAT, the replacement of The King in Dallas Summer Musical’s production of THE KING AND I, the issue of blackface and yellowface makeup in Opera, Operetta, and Broadway shows, and so on.

Her speech at LA Stage Day was the most highly viewed internet video from that particular conference, and has even been adapted (crediting Ms. Quill as the writer) into a performance piece in the U.K.

 

In August of 2015, Playbill.com named her as one of the most useful women on social media in theater.

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Her work has been linked to, quoted, or been source material for pieces on Diversity in Entertainment from such papers/internet outlets as: National Public Radio, The Huffington Post, CNN.com, Playbill.com, The New York Times, The LA Times, Backstage, Broadwayworld.com, The Wall Street Journal, The International Business Times, The Guardian, The Stage, and various papers around the world. Her blog is read internationally, and as of August 2015, has over 130,000 views.

An active cabaret performer, her show “They Shoot Asian Fosse Dancers, Don’t They?” has been seen in Los Angeles, New York, and at the Sydney Cabaret Convention. She has been seen at Therapy, Splash, Birdland, Don’t Tell Mama’s, The Ritz, and a ton of other spaces she can barely recall and which you likely will not care about – however she loves singing for her pals, Scott Nevins & Ryan O’Connor on their Musical Mondays at Eleven in West Hollywood.

One of the Musical Theater workshops she is most proud of having been a part of is Jason Robert Brown‘s Honeymoon in Vegas, where they expanded the role of Mahi from a few lines to the sidekick of Norbert Leo Butz’s character, Jack Singer with a great song.

Ian Paget, Erin Quill, Raymond J. Lee

Her TV Credits include NYPD Blue, Damages, NYC 22, The Following, Nurse Jackie, and several pilots.  Her Voice Over work is showcased on the E! Show, Starveillance. She did a pilot for Bravo called DISHIN’

and another called SCREENING PARTY, based on the book by Dennis Hensley. She plays a cop in the film, MAN ON A LEDGE (which got her an email from her Cousin in Australia, and other things like screen time)

She appeared on SIRIUS Radio as a sidekick to Dennis Hensley who was Guest Hosting.

She appears in and is a Co-Screenwriter on the Feature Film, THE MIKADO PROJECT, now avail on DVD on Amazon.com

You can read The Huffington Post‘s review of the film, HERE

Her second feature script as a writer, QWERTY is in Post Production, and another feature script, K-TOWN, P.I., has been optioned. Erin has written on Diversity based on her experiences working as a Casting Assistant, a Commercial Director’s Rep, and her being chosen by both FOX and CBS Networks for their Diversity Showcases. Her article “Why Are There No Asians On Television” was widely circulated and one of the highest read articles on the website IMDiversity.com

Asiance Magazine profiled her as an Irish Asian, read the interview HERE

LA Times Review of Closer Than Ever, read it HERE

Asianweek Guest Blog by Erin Quill for Closer Than Ever, read it HERE

LA Times Review of the Play, The Mikado Project, read it HERE

She has done fundraisers for Broadway Cares/EFA, Desert AIDS Project, Los Angeles GLBT Center, Sparkle Concert in Palm Springs, Celebrity Doodles in Palm Springs, The Trevor Project,  The Matthew Shepard Foundation, Victims of 9/11, and many more.

Review of Sparkle, read it HERE 

EQ is thanked in a few books – Screening Party by Dennis Hensley, 101 Must See Movies for Gay Men by Alonso Duralde, Queens In The Kingdom by Jeffrey Epstein & Eddie Shapiro, Exile In Guyville by Dave White – because, just like Sharon Stone in The Muse, she’s a muse. All of those are avail on Amazon.com and you should buy them, because my friends are amazing.

She started her blog at the request of her Husband, Chil Kong, probably so he did not have to listen to her rants at home. When her post “Moises Kaufman Can Kiss My Ass & Here’s Why” hit over 20,000 views, he demanded a thank you. All right, all right – Thank you.

Chil Kong & Erin Quill

So now you know.

Erin is represented by The Luedtke Agency in New York City.

The Fairy Princess was sitting, all snug in her bed, while visions of Equality dancing in her head…when from across the Pond, there arose such a clatter, she sprang from invitations to Conferences to see what was the matter….

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water….

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This is Gregory Doran, and he is British. He is not ONLY British, he is ‘veddy, veddy’ British, and has been acting and directing with the esteemed Royal Shakespeare Company since 1987.

He is more British than Downtown Abbey, he is more British than Dames Maggie, Judi, and Peggy ! (Though he is in fact Nothing Like a Dame.) What he IS, is a conqueror.

William-the-Conquerer

Whoops, that is William the Conqueror!

In the great tradition of the sun never setting on the British Empire, he has helped make England once again an Invading nation! Not just of hemlines and great butts….

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…but of theater, no wait, I have to spell it their way – Theatre!

Gregory Doran, the Lord Dudley of Dialogue, the Wolsingham of Words, the Essex of Iambic Pentameter, he has DONE IT!

He has conquered CHINA!

Not even MYTHIC China, but actual, true, Yuan period China!

Just to catch you up,  the Yuan period  was founded by the great Kublai Khan, (who was the Grandson of a little guy with an attitude problem called Ghengis. Yes, Ghengis Khan. Who was Mongolian. Which, is Asian.).

This is John Wayne as Ghengis Khan
Maybe he can get a job in The Orphan of Zhao?

Right after Khan decided ‘if you like it better stick a flag in it‘ – which was in the 13th Century, there came a playwright –  Ji Junxiang.  He wrote, they believe 6 plays, but this, The Orphan of Zhao has survived the ravages of time AND was the first zaju (Chinese “Mixed Drama or Play) to be translated into a Western Language! Go Ji Junxiang! Author, Author!

OK, so it’s translated. Now what do we do with it?

If I was looking for a British company to take a new spin on a  Chinese classic, which many give the same weight to as a little forget me not called HAMLET, I would likely pick The Royal Shakespeare Company.

And not just because I have dual citizenship with Australia and am therefore under the realm of

keep-calm-and-carry-on

And not just because my Mum happens to be an Advanced Teacher in the British Royal Ballet System and was the youngest to ever achieve that, and then they raised the age limit and it will never, ever be done again. (My Mom kicks ass and takes names en pointe!)

No, I would pick RSC because they are known for great work, and a play that has stood the test of time like The Orphan of Zhao, deserves that. Who would do a better job at a centuries old play with a new translation?

Why NO ONE! No one could do a great play better than the Royal Shakespeare Company – they have swords, they have training, they have accents, and they have cheeky bits they throw in for the commoners. They even went to China – real, actual, modern China, to find the right look for the show. All of which I applaud.

Research is a key ingredient to theatrical success, and after doing all that research, they decided upon this image to promote the show:

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Look at that PUNIM!

Ah, but does it look like THIS punim?

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Yeah…uh…not so much…..

If you have read me before, you know from past posts how much I love it when they put Emperors of China into plays and guess what – there IS an Emperor of China in this play! I wasn’t sure what an Emperor of China from this period was going to look like, but not to worry, not to worry –Gregory Doran knows, because when he wrote about going to China for research, he used this picture of an Emperor of China on his blog:

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So of course, when casting his play he went with this guy:

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Steven Ventura, Emperor of China

Because that just  made sense.

Oh ALSO in this show is a Chinese Princess! Perhaps they are going to try harder with this one, because the Princess is a pivotal character and kills herself and all that kind of stuff. This time I am going to find my OWN image of a Chinese Princess – I mean, I cannot keep relying on Gregory Doran, he’s busy!

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So…how did I do, Mr. Doran? Am I close?

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Lucy Briggs Owen, Princess of China

Apparently not.

Let’s throw it to Lady Grantham

In fact, there are 17 Actors in this show, The Orphan of Zhao, and  out of those 17….3 are of Asian Heritage. Which explains this Cast Photo:

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And this one:

A rehearsal for the Royal Shakespeare Company's The Orphan of Zhao. Photograph: Kwame Lestrade

Out of the three Asian heritaged actors 2 of them play dogs, and one plays a maid.

Holy Nanking, Batman!

So lemme get this straight – this is a Chinese play, the setting is China, they went to China to get the technical aspects right, but what they did not bring back from China was the notion that there are CHINESE PEOPLE IN CHINA!

What? They went and saw La Jolla’s Nightingale and thought “Oh, the Colonies, they always get it wrong, I know exactly how to fix this!”

This is not a male Swan Lake,

this is not a Sondheim musical where people sing and dance during patter songs while playing a tuba

– this is a play SET IN CHINA!

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How many times do we have to talk about Diversity in China during the 13th Century?

I repeat, there WAS NO DIVERSITY AMONG THE EMPERORS IN 13th CENTURY CHINA!!!!

WHY?

BECAUSE IT IS GD CHINA, WHITE PEOPLE!

If you set a show in Africa, Mr. Doran, would you cast the Emperor of Africa as a Caucasian Man?

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I’m thinking, probably not.

I will state, for the record – I have NO, count it zippo, nada, nunca, no problem with Diversity. I LOVE DIVERSITY. But here’s the thing, translate the play – go ahead, fine, Bravi for doing it, but do not set it in CHINA! Put it somewhere ELSE. Or, here’s a thought…crazy but it might work – CAST ASIAN ACTORS IN A PLAY SET IN ASIA.

Because to Chinese people, the title of EMPEROR OF CHINA, or PRINCESS OF CHINA means something. For heavens sake, would you cast Joan Chen as Princess Diana? Could she play it? OF COURSE – would British people believe it? No. This is not just bursting through The Great Fourth Wall, this is using dynamite and boiling pitch so the fire can be seen from space!

Here is the kicker RSC, and bloody hell is it ballsy- you take a CHINESE play, take OUT the Chinese people, and then you  have a link to order the tickets & get play information IN CHINESE- IN CASE CHINESE HERITAGED PEOPLE WANT TO GO? Hooker say what?

I’ll tell you what I would say: cào nǐ zǔzōng shíbā dài (肏你祖宗十八代) = screw your ancestors to the eighteenth generation!

Actually, RSC, you are quite behind, here in the Colonies we went through this months ago. There was a retelling of Hans Christian Anderson’s fable, The Nightingale, the leads were Caucasian, and of the two APIs in it, one was a BIRD (sound familiar?) and the other was a spoiled Princess.

Which offended my eye, so I plucked it out and wrote about it.

Then you see, over 25,000 people across the globe read my blog post about The Nightingale, and it set off a giant ruckus. Which led to a ‘talkback’ with the Asian American Theatrical Community at La Jolla Playhouse. The next time their AD was directing a show, Glengarry Glen Ross he did THIS:

Diversity, in an appropriate way, did great things for that show – it had fantastic reviews, because Diversity is how the world looks today. Everyone won. The Fairy Princess has no problem with Diversity. The Fairy Princess has no problem, personally, with the Actors cast in The Orphan of Zhao – I am sure they are amazing, they are after all, with the Royal Shakespeare Company!

The Fairy Princess has a problem with the Artistic Decisions made in Casting this show. Because Asian Actors are completely and totally underrepresented in commercial and public theater. Therefore the ‘argument’ that you are making the cast Diverse by casting Caucasians as Asians is like saying you are starting an All Girls School that will only be attended by the Men of Manchester United. It doesn’t make sense.

And no, crazy Interweb nutjobs -don’t yell at me about once upon a time  ‘there was one black actor in a Shakespeare show, or the second spear holder past Caesar’s epaulets could have maybe been Asian.’

That’s not an excuse to white wash CHINA.

Now, likely, yes, I am not going to work in England, regardless of my passport, because of this post. And likely, Gregory Doran is going to view me as an Upstart Yank who doesn’t know what she is talking about.

Mr. Doran, I want to let you know, that I happen to be Irish, Welsh, and Chinese – with dual citizenship from the USA and Australia. My Family, on both sides, has been under British rule for centuries, so when it comes to Imperialism, the family has had it’s fair share. Why are you hearing from me? Way over here across the pond?

I am pissed off for my fellow British Asian Actors.

This is WORSE than The Nightingale!

(But I bet La Jolla Playhouse will be sending you a muffin basket of thanks)

You have a trailer with accents! Starring a Caucasian baby! Who comes next on the screen?  A Caucasian man in a peasant hat that you likely bought IN CHINA…when you were doing research for this Chinese play you chose to do! You haven’t even tried to ‘escape’ the issue by calling it something stupid like “Mythic China” (Steven Sater, I’m talking to you). You are setting the show in real, actual CHINA!

I am just…I cannot….words have escaped….you are the ROYAL SHAKESPEARE COMPANY!

Act Royal!

Fie on you, Sir – FIE! I lay the bulk of responsibility for this fiasco of international relations at the door of Artistic Director Doran – because he is Directing, and wrote a blog about all the research he was doing,  but how could anyone who wrote/adapted a play about China allow this to happen?

JAMES FENTON – wherfore art thou?

Veddy, veddy bad form and five swipes of the wand to you, I beseech thee, m’Lords

Kiss my Fan Tan Fannie!

Oh and PS – MOISES KAUFMAN APOLOGIZED!

Which means I scored a HIT – a VERY PALPABLE HIT! (Ahem)

Authors Note: A day after this was published, I received an invitation – to sit in the audience.

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Life is not fair. We know that. A day or so ago, I had to explain it to my dumpling of a niece, who wanted a cookie, and I had to turn her down. I don’t know if she wanted it as a ‘reward’ or if she just wanted it because Oreos are among life’s little treasures, but her Mommy told me no, and I received sad Toddler face.

Recently I was reminded…again (though honestly it is almost daily) how we cannot look for reward for doing anything. You just have to do things because you have to, in order to be able to look at yourself in the mirror.

I imagine Plastic Surgeons everywhere use this image as a threat

Now, I have been mulling this all night, I didn’t sleep very well because I found out that even though I ‘started’ the party, and even though I let everyone know where the party was, and who was not invited, and EVEN THOUGH it began a new fresh conversation about who gets to come to the party….

They are having another party and I am not invited.

This is the second party to ‘discuss invites’ that I am not invited to. Although having my opinion and stating it on the record, or the colossal behemoth that is inter-webetary travel, is what started this very beginning. Which is, as Maria always sang, “A Very Good Place To Start”

Which means that the people who now want me to not say anything, seems to include the VERY people I was talking about.

Say it, don’t spray it!

Or perhaps it’s more “Thank you SOOOOOO much, Voldemort, we’ll take it from here, please go morph a piece of your soul into a rock and let a little Boarding school chappie find you in a few dozen years’

Anyway, having a conference is always a good idea.

So is crediting my blog. I stand by what I wrote and I stand by the resulting sh*tstorm that happened in a mythical land called Ja Lolla.

So is sending me a Edible Arrangement.

Leave the fruit, take the cupcake

So this Lady Who Lunches is off to raise $$$ for some people who have never let me down – Broadway People – and I hope you come out and support

THIS FRIDAY, like TOMORROW!

And nope, I won’t be at that conference – it’s invitation only. Guess who is not invited to talk about Diversity?

The gal who co-wrote the screenplay for this:

Now avail on Amazon.com. In fact – screw the Edible Arrangement – buy the DVD

Tamlyn Tomita, Erin Quill, Yuri Tag

‘Once upon a time’…. is usually how fairy tales start, and it is the basis for a life lived in the entertainment world. Actors, who are not famous, are rarely asked their opinion, because…well, no one cares who I am voting for in the next election…

Ok, maybe HE cares who I am voting for

Ok, ok, ok, people who want to have the ability to achieve the American Dream care how I am voting….

Memories…light the corners of our mind….
(Listen, Babs is back in Bklyn, I’m sentimental)

WHOOPS! Not that American Dream….

Jonathan Pryce, dreaming of winning his TONY
Which…he did, thanks for that Antoinette Perry

(Ok, shaping up to be an American Nightmare…holy Nightingale is that offensive!)

Anyway, I am not famous and no one really cares how I vote other than people who troll the internet looking to argue with me who believe that right is might or Mitt is it or whatever the heck ‘it’ is.

It’s my vote, and I’m going to go my own way. Hopefully more than 47% of us feel the same, I would be happy with  51%.

Showbiz IS an American Dream, and it’s a luxury for those of us who live and work in the Entertainment community to do so on a consistent basis.  We generally do not say much beyond the 140 characters provided for us by App Geniuses, and sound bites are often pre-scripted by people funnier than anyone currently appearing on the Shopping Channel.

But here’s a way that we can share a ‘vote’ if you will – this coming Friday night, as a tribute to Barbra Streisand’s return to New York and specifically Brooklyn, I am sharing the stage in a Benefit for Broadway Cares/EFA. It’s a “One Night Only” thing

HOW can you NOT buy a ticket?

And I want you to come, if you can – if you are in New York and you are People – if you are People who care about a Person who sang about People Needing People, and if you are a Person who cares about HOW MUCH of a difference you can make just by attending a show that you are guaranteed to like ANYWAY kind of person. Just one special person.

I mean, LORNA LUFT? ANN HAMPTON CALLAWAY?

This is a charity that came together for the best of all possible reasons – to help sick people. People who need more than the usual amount of help, in a climate where health care costs are skyrocketing.

Broadway Cares – and so, I hope, do you.

This is it, my personal invitation – please come.

Let’s Vote with our Hearts, all 100 per cent of them.

Come to the show & your heart will grow three sizes that day

Ah Tuesday, it seems so innocuous…it’s just there, the morning on which I recover from singing at Musical Mondays – last night bedecked in sequins and feathers, ok the feather part was new, usually I just look like Honey Boo Boo’s older Asian Auntie.

However, it seems that things can happen on a Tuesday, Virginia, oh yes they can. On Tuesday, while catching up on social media time suck, one of my friends posted this article from a waaay far right, so far right they are actually in the ocean, so far right, they circle the globe with their far right-ness and smack themselves in their own ass website, that I thought it was a joke.

It’s called   14 Outrageous Secrets that a Homosexual will never tell you

Needless to say, I was intrigued – after all, I have heard it ALL, Grrl – there’s almost nothing that a Homosexual at some point has NOT told me. Sometimes, I pretend I am Madonna’s son Rocco, and I start screaming “Stop Talking, Stop Talking!”  I wish I could find that clip from the DRIVEN special on MTV to show you. It’s kind of amazing, because at some point, haven’t we all wished we could yell at Madonna to stop talking? Or at least stop talking with an English accent – I mean, she is not from the mythical country of Europea!

Anyway, I started reading, and immediately I started laughing, because I thought this was a ‘joke’ blog. You know, like The Onion – but…it’s not. So I thought, as good Fairy Princesses should, I would go through it and, well, discuss – His statements have been ‘bolded’, and my answers are beneath.

‘1. Homosexuals Bleach Their Anuses – probably to cover bruises or lashes from sadomasochist sessions”

It’s Los Angeles – we bleach everything. The entire city often seems sponsored by Clorox. Anal Bleaching in LA is like getting your teeth capped, or a photo facial – both women and men do it – and truly, I know more women that do, because straight men like them to wear thong, tha-tha-tha- thongs.

Hair? Check. Teeth? Check.
Anus? I’ll leave that to a tatted up Rock Star

‘2. Mutual Masturbation is the Primary Reason for Gym Membership

Dude – I worked at a Gay Gym. The primary reason for Gay men buying gym membership is so that their long term partner doesn’t poke their tum-tum and say, “Hey, you’re looking a little chunky, Monkey”.

You know what the difference is between Straight men joining a gym and Gay men joining a gym?

Gay men GO to the gym.

C’mon, you’d totally ‘hit it’

Also, the classes at a Gay Gym? TOTALLY BETTER than at a Straight Gym!  Yeah, straight gyms rarely have the latest equiptment or Showtune Spinning or AfroBrazilian Dance or anything other than Step Aerobics with Jane Fonda’s choreo from the 80’s. That is why Straight women go to Gay Gyms – better classes, cleaner facilities, no lines at the bathroom, and no one lewdly giving them the eye while they try and stretch out their hamstrings.

‘3. Homosexual Marriage will usher in an epoch of international terror.’

I have been to several Gay Weddings. Unless you are terrified of a tasteful flower arrangement, or think that they are hiding anal bleaching kits in the amuse bouches, there’s nothing to be scared of. Unless you are the Caterer and the food is bad, then you SHOULD be terrified – I mean, this is a GD Gay Wedding – there are STANDARDS!

And btw, Entertainment at Gay Weddings? Awesome. Like, Broadway superstars stopping by to throw down a tune or two Awesome. And if they can’t make it, call me…

4) Heterosexual women are far less likely to get married if they socialize with gays.

I am a Fag Hag, I am Married, I have a kid. I am also thanked in 5 Gay Books, and am even on the cover of one:

I am totally thinner now, fyi

 ‘5) Same sex desires are purposely being spread from humans to the animal kingdom.’

I watch Animal Planet and National Geographic. Animals that are homosexual in the wild include dolphins, monkeys, giraffes, penguins, sea gulls, koalas, cattle, chimpanzees, caribou, bison, brown bears and cats (not the musical, but…well, it IS a musical).  I’ve got a little list, I’ve got a little list….

6) The radical liberal agenda of early television shows lured many youngsters into the dark world of promiscuity.’

He blames GOLDEN GIRLS

I would have gone with “Designing Women” myself….

7) Gay bars operate along the same principles as Muslim terrorist cells.’

What Gay Bars has he been going to? He should come with me, I go to some really fun ones.

‘8) Today’s youth generation is using sex as a weapon to destroy American values.’

He blames the Twinks.

First of all, how does he know the word “Twink”? Methinks he doth protest too much. Perhaps he has been tap tap tapping on the bathroom stall floor? Let’s be honest -Sex as a weapon is usually the domain of Mistresses and Wives who know their Husbands are cheating.

I blame Twinks for stuff too, but mostly for things like calling Steel Magnolias ‘that old timey film from like, the twenties, right?”

For not knowing who Greta Garbo was!

OR for insisting Lady Gaga is better than Madonna! UH….there would BE no Lady Gaga without Madonna, cuz if none of us elders learned to “Express Ourselves”, Y’all couldn’t line dance to “Born This Way”.

‘9) Hardcore sodomy is the most common way same-sex adherents achieve gratification.’

To which I reply “Sodomy, it’s between God and Me..” and every other lyric from RENT.

Also – Comment dis tu Rough Trade, Mr. Billings?

’10) New York Magazine is a hotbed of secret homosexual propaganda.’

This one?

Maybe this one?

A straight guy did this makeup

’11) The foulest excesses of sexual congress known to mankind are held among a highly exclusive group known as the “bears,” but the mainstream media refuses to investigate them.’

Investigate Bears? Why? Bears are sweet, besides you ever see a Bear with Forty Foot…

Sorry, sometimes I inadvertently Sondheim. But why investigate? Are they missing? Here’s some you can find right on the shelf. Go ahead, investigate them. To do it REALLY well, you have to buy their books.

Here’s what I have to say about ‘Bears” – best bunch of guys you will ever know. Bears will  give you a hug when you need it. Bears will invite you to dinner parties and won’t judge when you have seconds.

Now, have I been to ‘raunchy’ Bear parties? Yes – and it’s always an accident. I have also been to Fraternity Parties – and this is what I have to say about that – as far as I know, no woman has ever been raped and gotten pregnant at a Bear Party. I cannot say the same for a Fraternity Party, because it happened to a friend of mine.

Bear Party v. Fraternity Party?

Bear Party, paws down.

12) Glee is intentionally recruiting children into the world of homosexuality.’

I don’t like mash ups of Show Tunes and I find Rachel insufferable. However is it ‘recruiting’? No. If it was recruiting, there would be a piece of paper to sign up – and the last time I checked West Hollywood, I didn’t see a list. I was there Monday.

’13) Rachel Maddow is a liberal, a lesbian and a lousy newsreader.’

SHOCKING, he is  threatened and yet attracted to Rachel Maddow? Yeah, she is kinda hot – as are most brainy women.

14) Cat ownership is a sad substitute for healthy, Christian relationships.’

This one had me ROLLING on the floor! I am NOT a Cat Person, I’m allergic. But how is this an Outrageous Gay Secret? Everyone knows that Cat People are weird – that’s why they are Cat People. Are Gay Cat People weirder than Straight ones?

Well…as I say, I watch Animal Planet – the people that are hoarding the cats? Straight people. Also, their cats are ferrell and gross looking. I have seen tons of Gay Owned cats, and ya know what? They are better groomed than I am! And I wear sequins!

Look – his whole article is ridiculous, steeped in prejudice and fear. The Fairy Princess takes a dim view of dim people. You know who cares about ‘the Homosexual Agenda” in my mind?

People who are closeted, self loathing homosexuals.

You know who is NOT worried about “The Homosexual Agenda”?

Everyone else.

How is this in ANY way Christian? That’s like me saying I am a Deep Sea Fisherman because I eat sushi. To quote Dolly Parton in a really bad movie “Get down off the Cross, someone needs the wood”.

The Fairy Princess believes that if you read the Bible, you will see that part where it says we were all created in God’s image. All. That means everyone. That means, actually….the Deity has a bit of a flair.

Think about it.

I said, on my initial post, that I might write, upon occasion, about people who cannot parent in public. If I had a dollar for every parenting theory out there…I would probably have about $10,000, but I’m not debating Tiger Mom-ness over breast feeding an eighteen year old. I will leave that to the experts.

Forget “Parenting” this kid is going to be attached to his Therapist

I am writing this post as an Aunt. I am the Auntie to one of the most adorable kids on the planet and I take her, very often, to the library. Why?  I like to read, and  I wanted to share that with her. Since she was about five months old, I have taken her to the library and read her a few books – in fact, she’s been there so often, that all the librarians greet her by name – she’s the Mayor of the Children’s Section.

She is also only 15 months. She’s little.

Recently I took her to the library, and there were other kids in the section – not unusual, it’s the library. There were two children there whose ages I would put at about four years old, and they both had adult supervision, well, kinda.

The little four year old girl had a Nanny, who was doing her best to remind her how to behave – and that little girl was fine, until she met…oh let’s call him…..Zeke. (I don’t know anyone with a kid named Zeke so that’s why I’m picking it)

This is what I imagine Zeke was channeling

Dear old Zeke had a Mom, she was right there, sitting on the couch next to him, not paying any attention to him. She was thumbing through TIME Magazine, texting, and in general, letting the world know how annoyed she was at being heavily pregnant. A condition which I was sympathetic to, having given birth myself about a week prior.

Zeke’s Mom was uninterested in Zeke – she was letting a Nanny, who Zeke did not know, who was there with other kids, try to get him to sit down. Nanny had an infant in a carriage, so she was distracted and it was hard for her to keep both four year olds contained.

Zeke decided to start hurling the books across the table, because that seemed fun. It seemed fun to him, and to the other little peanut he met there, let’s call her Apple. (I’m choosing Apple because I don’t know Gywneth Paltrow). So there are Zeke and Apple, playing caber toss with children’s books, and on the other end of the table is me, and my little Niece who has two working eyes, which I was hoping she would not lose at the library.

I was keeping a keen eye on Zeke’s physical prowess, which drew the ire of his Mom. Now, it’s interesting to note, she didn’t give a rat’s ass about the fact that her son was behaving in a way that could possibly hurt other kids, nope. What she was concerned about was ME. My eyes specifically. The fact that she looked Caucasian and I do not, may have played into it. She had quite a few things to say about my eyes.

I have been asked if I am Anime

“Why do you keep looking at him!” she said. And, actually, I didn’t know she was talking to me, because I was involved with my niece, and reading to her – only looking up when a book came too close or when the screaming reached higher decibels.

Me: “I’m sorry, are you talking to me?”

Her: “WHY do you keep looking at him? Like, you keep looking at him, rolling your eyes. You should keep those eyes away from him. Don’t you dare roll your eyes at him”.

Me: “I was not rolling my eyes. He’s throwing books, I don’t want her to get hurt, some of them were pretty close”

What she was implying was, that I was rolling my eyes because of her lack of parenting. (And let’s face it, I was – but on the INSIDE because I was way more concerned with ducking that flying copy of  the latest Newberry Award Winner.)

Her: “Oh. That wasn’t what I thought you were going to say.”

Me: “And what did you think I was going to say?”

Her: “Nevermind”

I suppose she thought I was going to yell at her about her lack of parenting in public.  Or perhaps because my niece looks Caucasian and I do not, she assumed that I was the Nanny, and would not dare to speak to one of the Moms. Which happens quite a bit, because my Niece and I have completely different coloring – she is blond and blue eyed, and I…am not. Mom was ready to tell me off, she was gearing up to be confrontational, and honestly, she picked the wrong person.

I frequently joke that I was ‘raised by Gay Wolves’ and if someone sasses me, I am not above a ‘shade throw’ to put them in their place.

Excuse me, Detox, someone would like a word….?

However, I had a 15 month old with me, and my first job was to make sure she made it out of the library in the same condition I brought her in. With both eyes and no bruises. So I just stared her down. Like I thought she was crazier than a rat trapped in a coffee can. I stared so hard I thought I was in a movie about people with extraordinary abilities that are metaphors for being Gay. I was “Storm”.

Hell to the No! Put that book back on the shelf!

She finally moved herself to call Zeke to her side, ostensibly to ‘help’, which it did not – because Zeke began screaming at the top of his lungs. He broke from his mother, grabbed a book, screamed, and then threw it in our general direction. I grabbed my Niece, and a few books, and started to take her to another section.

At which point, that Mom started screaming at me, asking me why I was leaving, when she was trying to ‘help’ by corralling her son.

Soooo many answers ran through my head, and I have watched enough Reality TV to know the ins and outs of table flipping. I had a choice to make, as an Auntie and as a human being – do I take the high road, or do I let his very, very rude woman have it? I wrapped myself in my inner sequined dress, boa, and five inch heels, I levitated with umbrage.

I replied, “I am leaving, because your son is misbehaving. I do not want her to learn that his behavior is acceptable in the library, because it is not. He is throwing books, and you are letting him – which is dangerous. You are texting and reading a magazine. You are not parenting right now, when now is the time to do it. Ostensibly before you have to send him to military school for bad behavior. I am moving her to a safe distance now, Good day.”

I was Dustin Hoffman, dressed as a woman, bidding good day to Dr. Brewster on a mythical soap opera.

I grabbed my Niece and we went to a quieter section and successfully read several stories. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched the woman quickly gather her son and loudly take her leave. Yelling the whole time that she was leaving. My Niece and I watched her go.

In retrospect, I think I was more Julia Sugarbaker.

The other lady there, who had been largely silent – the actual Nanny, also gathered up her charges. As she took her kids out, she stopped and looked at me, and gave me a thumbs up.

I pretended that I was Mary Poppins and that while neither of us were ever to speak of this most infamous of days – a day of raised voices in the library, I understood her thumbs up. Spit spot.

Parenting is a job. I know, because I have it. On that day in the library, at least one of the Moms was ‘unemployed’.

On a final note – my 15 month old niece can spell. Because I read to her, and spell things when I take her places. She knows what the P-A-R-K is. Also that she likes to S-W-I-M in the P-O-O-L.  I like to think that I teach her something new every time I see her.

On that day, she learned that you do not have to curse to be a B-A-D  A-S-S.

This is what happened to me today, and I thought I would share it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I enjoy the “Bucks…I’m a caffeinated bit of trouble when I start my day sucking on a green straw – as perhaps you may have noticed when casting a musical in a mythic land….not that I suggest you do that.

I used to be able to get more work done at Starbucks, but lately, every time I go in, someone sits with me, or next to me, and they start talking. I think I just have ‘that face’.

Today I was ‘busy’. I looked ‘busy’.  I had a laptop.  I had a large drink with a green straw that Mayor Bloomberg would have taken away from me (But seriously, Your Honor, it had no sugar, it was just a very large glass) and there were two ladies sitting next to me conversing in another language that I recognized, but do not speak myself. However, they switched at one point to a language that I am familiar with, French, and something about the way I twitched must have given that away, our tables were inches apart. We began speaking.

We exchanged names, but I am not going to share that here – because there is a safety issue for one of the women. Let’s call them Dolly and Molly, after Dolly Levi and the Unsinkable Molly Brown.

They were very excited to talk to me once they realized that I was a ‘real American’. They thought I was European because of the way I look,  and because I understood a smattering of French. After they asked about my heritage and what I ‘identified as” (I replied “New Yorker”), the next question Dolly asked me was one that has plagued women as long as there have been women and men – “Why do men cheat?”.

I gave some opinions, they gave theirs.  I said, “Well, I never really understood cheating, because if you are unhappy enough to cheat, then be honest about it and divorce”, at which point the Dolly pointed to her friend and said, “Like her, she divorcing now, very bad.” I said I was sorry to hear that.  Molly looked at me and said, “It’s like…movie with J. Lo, you know? With the boxing? And there is one with Julia Roberts, same thing. Like me.”

The films Molly referenced are both about women running away from abusive spouses and having to hide. The whole conversation then changed, it became at once specific, and at the same time, universal.

Molly was not from America, and she was trying to divorce her husband. I say trying, because her husband was refusing to recognize that she wanted to leave. He had taken the children (2 teen girls and a young boy) back to his country of origin. She had left with one suitcase, and taken no jewelery, no money – just her suitcase and their children. She had taken out a restraining order in the United States. However because she had been with her husband since she was twenty, and because he is, as many domestic abusers are, very persuasive, he had been able to convince her that she did not need a restraining order, after all, he was in another country, right?

The minute the restraining order was lifted, he came in the middle of the night and took the children back to his Country. There was nothing she could do. Throughout their marriage, Molly was subjected to extensive physical abuse, because, until the birth of her son a few years ago, she had ‘only’ produced daughters. This led to her husband buying a house and a Mercedes for his Mistress, and installing her a short distance away from their home, which shamed her in front of her neighbors.

He told her, “If I cannot get a son from you, she will give me one.” Even after Molly gave birth to their son, he kept his Mistress. He continued to beat his wife. Had anyone looked closely at Molly, they would see a small groove on her cheekbone. She fills it in with makeup.  When I have seen that kind of mark before, it has been from being struck by someone wearing a ring, although I do not know if that is the cause in Molly’s case. Molly is now in her late 30’s.

I asked if she was working with a lawyer here, and she told me she was. Dolly was with a Human Rights Organization, and was very supportive – they shared an ethnicity. Dolly told me, even though she has returned to her country of origin for trips, she no longer ‘identifies’ herself that way. She told me that ‘Education is freedom’ and that her greatest wish is for women everywhere to educate themselves so that they only would marry if they fell in love and he was ‘a good man’. Molly said she would like to find a good man, and smiled when she called her husband, her ‘Ex”. It took her about a half an hour before she stopped saying “My Husband” and switched to “My Ex”.

Dolly pointed to her friend and said “Look, look at her, see how beautiful? Why? Who would not love to have this woman as their wife?”. Molly has a chic haircut, wore a beautiful dress, heels, no jewelery, and her face was beautifully made up. To look at her, you would think she is a ‘typical’ Los Angeles dweller, upwardly mobile and able to spend six bucks on a blended drink without thinking about it. She shared so much, I wondered if she would regret it later, but in listening to her  I realized that, on many levels, she ‘needed’ to be heard, she ‘needed’ to be seen.

She told me that her Husband was very wealthy,  very well respected in his Country. For Molly to have left him is a huge insult, and she is afraid. She is afraid for herself and for her two daughters, who are nearing teenage years. Her Husband could tell them anything about her and then marry them off to men who are just like him. He has cut off any support, she is on her own. When she first tried to leave, he had her committed to an Insane Asylum, so that her ‘word’ was no longer ‘good’ with anyone who knew them. Her son is very young, and will likely forget her if she does not return.

Molly hopes that her children will understand, but she knows she might never see them again. When she went to the restroom, I asked Dolly if she had a way to support herself. Dolly said Molly is in college, and they are giving her a place to stay, and support and so on. She said that they are going to help Molly fight for her education and her children.

When we parted, I wished them so much luck. Dolly thanked me for listening, she told me I was ‘A very nice lady, educated, you see? Educated, very good.” They both told me, repeatedly throughout the conversation, how happy they were to be in America. How much they admired American women.

I know I am going to think of them often. I am unlikely to forget Molly’s face or her circumstances. I would love to punch her husband ‘in the kisser’, as we say in New York. Not that violence solves anything, but I would love to. It would make ME feel better, because hearing this story, my emotions were…well, all over the place is putting it mildly.

Some last thoughts about Molly, she deserves to have them said – she is absolutely gorgeous, non Muslim, and fluent in several languages – in case you thought you knew where she was from. I am also hoping, that she is like the nickname I gave her for this posting, unsinkable.

Here in the States, we’ve been hearing quite a lot about the “War on Women”. Listening to Molly, was a sobering reminder that in many parts of the world, women are not even part of the discussion.

In 2009, the Dalai Lama said “The World will be saved by Western Women.”

Let us hope so.

The Fairy Princess has been notably absent from the world wide interweb for a few weeks – which in cyber space is a time as lengthy as it takes a child to grow. I was too sad  to write, but eventually, I did get to thinking that it’s time that I took a stand on a key issue plaguing our fair nation. There has been huge debate. It is time I stood up…

I’m just going to say it. Get ready….

I watch Honey Boo Boo.

The one, the only Honey Boo Boo

There, I said it. I know you are all supposing I laugh at “A Dolla Makes Me Holla” type comments, and I do –  but not for the reasons you might think. I laugh, because Alana has a rampant amount joy in her, and that Family loves one another and has a great time.

The Fairy Princess like happy families, and if they are happy families who do pageants and dumpster dives,  so be it. Maybe, having just lost my Dad, I am getting more pleasure than I would have thought possible at watching a Family who gets along. What fun to watch an Actually Real Housewife! I mean, who wouldn’t enjoy a Teen Mom who is not smacking around her Baby Daddy on MTV while trying to juggle a possible modeling career and defending her breast implants?

There are no breast implants on Honey Boo Boo…though, it IS only the first season.

Look at Glitzy ‘hoggin’ the middle of the photo

In HBB world,  Momma June sometimes rolls out a tarp and makes a mud pit at the end of it with a hose, so her kids can slip and slide in the crazy hotness of a Georgia summer.  I am a Mom now, and if my son came and asked me for a slippery slide, I would move heaven and earth to get him one – even if the earth was in my flowerbed and eventually became ooze that infiltrated every fiber of the Berber carpet. He wants mud, he gets mud.

I also love that Momma June Shannon is making Kris Jenner k-rap her pants with the thought that they may ‘out ratings‘ the giant K! (Kris Jenner would never make a mud pit in her Calabasas Castle of K, unless she thought throwing Kim and Kanye in it would result in K-illions of dollars.) Kris does not find Honey Boo Boo very K-lassy. Not having Kris Kommendation  keeps Honey Boo Boo up past kurfew….nah, her bedtime is probably at 8pm.

The Shannons have a crazy house, but no crazier than any other house I have been to in my world travels, so….if Alana wants to have a gay mini-pig named Glitzy who does pageants with her, well slap that piglet into a tiara and let’s go! (Alas Glitzy had to go, because there was a Grandbaby coming, farewell Glitzy, we hardly knew ye)

If what makes people uncomfortable about the show is that, as Alana says herself, they are fat, well…so what? As Christmas Eve from Avenue Q says, “People come in all shapes and sizes”.

Rod wants you to REGISTER!

I love that Momma June knows she’s a catch – she’s pretty sure that she’s going to clean up real nice as soon as she ‘slaps some paint on this ol’ barn’.  I wish I was as confident as Momma June. See that? We can learn confidence from a 307 lb mother of four, who lives with her Baby Daddy in rural Georgia. Truly, she has more energy than I, and definitely better math, because Extreme Couponing? Couldn’t do it. Not in a million years.

I love Big Ang too. Big Ang would never whack anyone, I know that in my heart. Even if she went to, her spray tan would make the weapon slippery and she would rather do shots at the Drunken Monkey anyway. No, Big Ang would not whack anyone, I know that in my heart. (Karen or Renee, I’m not so sure about)

I am hitting The Drunken Monkey next time I’m on Staten Island

I have heard quite a lot, lately, about what makes a Family. Apparently we are allowed to judge on major television networks and in sound bites. The Fairy Princess does not enjoy this part of the electoral process.

Judging should be isolated to Talent Shows and Olympic Events. Those are things where there can be a clear winner – did Ussain Bolt come in first? Why yes he did, so…HE WINS! End of story. Kelly Clarkson sang her face off,  while that guy with the curly hair…had curly hair. KELLY WINS! End of story. (I gave up on AI after the first season)

The Fairy Princess has a very low view of those who would render Families asunder, based on who the Parents love. It was not so long ago in our Country, that a marriage between members of different races was illegal. Which would have made a difference to me, cuz, well…

I’m around 1 in this, don’t hate, appreciate.

And of course, would have been a bit of an issue for this guy:

Cool even then…

Who then became THIS guy:

The President of the United States

My point, and I do have one, is that people are programmed to love, but as Rogers & Hammerstein told us in South Pacific, to hate you ‘Have to be carefully taught“.

Love is not a reality show, no matter how many times MTV, VH-1, or ABC try to make us think so.

No, I will NOT accept this rose! This rose is unacceptable!

Honey Boo Boo’s Family sometimes does Extreme Couponing and sometimes they do Pageants. S’all good – sometimes I sing show tunes and wear glittery dresses, and sometimes I scrub the toilet while yelling at my Husband about his aim, that is not the point. The point is that Honey Boo Boo is one kind of Family, and my Husband and Son and I are another. I would consider them both equal.

The Fairy Princess has read, but does not rule her life by a Book that had more Ghost Writers than a Tom Cruise Press Release. The Fairy Princess would not take kindly to stoning anyone. (Unless they were unkind to children or animals – but I would probably call Big Ang for referrals).

There can be inspiration without condemnation.

The Fairy Princess believes in Families, and in Love, and in Science – and they are all compatible beliefs. The Fairy Princess, overwhelmingly believes in the practice of  compassion and generosity of spirit – and that Families come in all shapes and sizes.  Saying that one kind of Family is ‘first’ and using it to lambast another kind of Family is to deny what is most important about the word “Family”, and that is Love.

The Fairy Princess asks, as you vote this November, to please remember  that no matter what ‘differences’ you may see or believe there are between us, we are not all that different when you get past the surface –

We all put our tiaras on, one cubic zirconia at a time, don’t we?

Here on The Broadway…we live life on an angleit’s rather bawdy but it’s also rather grand…

We Are What We Are

There was a time, that Broadway seemed to be a big community of people who loved what they did for a living, and loved who they worked with – whether or not it was in your own show, or someone you knew from a workshop long past. There were cabaret fundraisers that grew into something with bonnets and choirs that had inspiration and all sorts of things, because we had a common enemy with some pretty powerful initials.

Back in the day, when we spoke in civilized voices.… apparently those days are gone. Not only is the internet for Porn, it’s for blowing your career to smithereens in 140 characters or less.

Twitter has been a great thing for “The Broadway”, giving fans and friends alike a way in to the mind of performers who previously had been somewhat magical, mystical and on occasion, jellicle.  For example, lots of people on The Broadway like Chipotle

Audra McDonald tweets A LOT about Chipotle

Max Von Essen eat tweets

Erich Bergen has tw-yelled at me for tweeting about Chipotle because it made him have to go get Chipotle!

– who knew?

Anyway, This is a fun, insider-y thing to know, and I love those nuggets. I mean, burritos.

My point, and I do have one, is that now that every Tom, Harry, and Dick has a Wifi connection, Folks on The Broadway are time stepping into the Bad Side…woo..hoo…hooo

The Fairy Princess wants to remind you, it’s not about the chicken. You think so, but no, oh no…I know.

To be honest, if you want to clog your arteries on fast food, even Mayor Bloomberg limiting your drink size is not going to stop you – there are always refills. Go ahead, there’s a fine, fine line between diabetes and a waist made of pork rinds. Have at it – chow down!

But Careful the things you tweet, children will listen

Intolerance tilts my tiara. To me, there is very little difference between tweeting smack about a Sondheim show that you might have gone in for, but did not get…or showing up at a talk back on a Diversity issue to be condescending to the group involved and talk about your career in hopes that it will start moving again…. or  showing your support for a fast food restaurant that would deny civil liberties because of one line in Leviticus

OMG, OMG U GUYS, Bigotry tastes great with fries

…and here’s why:

It takes a village. (Yes, it’s a Hillary Clinton quote, and yes, I hope she runs in 2012, but it’s true)  A show – be it a play or a musical or a dance piece, be it deconstructed, avante garde, whatever – takes a village of people to put it together. Bit by bit.

And in our village, which is real and not actually mythical at all, and which resides upon streets numbering from 44th to 53rd or thereabouts and located between certain avenues, we have people. People who need people. We have Village People.

Oh look, it’s Ray Lee from the movie, The Mikado Project avail on DVD on Amazon

Quite a lot of the residents, myself included,  have come specifically to this village because they have magic to do.

Broadway gives you wings

When you work with people day in and day out you can not denigrate the way they live by defiantly supporting companies that espouse intolerance. Or by insulting their performances. Or by telling them that you know best, and that ‘they’ just don’t know how Broadway works but you do….it doesn’t make you smarter, more moral, or funnier –

It makes you the Village Idiot.

The Fairy Princess would like to set forth some command… er…recommendations for The Broadway for The Twittah, so that for the love of Bernadette Peters  we can all cool our Jets…. are gonna have their way…tonight….(Sorry, I can’t help it)

Thou shalt not Tweet Previews

Honor thy Crew and Ensemble

Do not take the issue of Diversity & Representation in vain

Thou shalt think before thy Tweet

If thou Tweets it, thou means it

Look, we all WORK together. It’s not “show friendship’, it’s “Show Business” – it is a business. As in ANY business, you are honor bound to show the people you work with courtesy and respect. Before you tweet, perhaps ask yourself WWJD?

What Would Judy Do?

I’m pretty sure she would say that enough people in life try to knock you down, you don’t need your colleagues to pitch (fork) in and help. Well, I mean, she would probably say something like that after we explained the Internet and Twitter and that kind of thing – she seemed like a cool, hip lady, so I stand by what I wrote. Because I can.

Va Fangool- she tweeted wha?

If you are Tweeting as a Theater Professional, who has fans, then your tweets are part of your work. If you are lucky enough to be in a show, in a lead role particularly, and you use that role to identify yourself so people can ‘follow’ you, then you have a obligation to your Producers and Cast to NOT embroil the name of the show in your own personal sh*t storm.

You don’t throw your show under the tour bus to support an agenda that seems at odds with the way you live. If you really believed that certain people do not deserve to have equal rights, then why, oh why, oh why would you try and work in Musical Theater?

It’s like knowing you cannot swim and going diving with Greg Louganis!

On Elton John’s boat!

Anchored off the French Riviera!

During a theater festival – A Festival? A Festival! (And you know how much we all wish to go to the festival)!

The Fairy Princess does not ‘buy’ half-assed apologies from someone who got their hands slapped and now realize they may have jeopardized their future putting up a photo or a status that they, personally, thought was funny.

Oh Bless the Lord My Soul….

The Fairy Princess has a very hard time believing that any theater professional could, insult other professionals during previews, without knowing exactly what they were saying.

If your smart, you’ll learn your lessons well…

The Fairy Princess fails to see how driving down from Los Angeles to La Jolla so that you can try and make a personal connection with the creators of Mythic China simply to talk about your own career helps your “Asian brothers and sisters’ who you, ostensibly support, while at the same time you call into question their understanding of how Broadway works.

I have credit cards, but I just don’t buy it.

When it’s time to change you gotta rearrange, who you are and what you’re gonna be

You do not have to  be kind to everyone, you do not have to like everyone. If you grant yourself the ‘right’ to say something, you grant others the right to remember that you said it.

And if you said it, you better mean it – there are no ‘backsies’ – this is the Internet, everything stays on forever, it’s like reruns of The Golden Girls.

This is BROADWAY, it’s not a reality show where everything begins with the letter K! What in the name of our Sainted Aunt Eller is going on, Folks? All I keep thinking is Holy crap, what a shame….

Yes,  You can believe whatever you want, and I defend your right to believe it. (Unless it hurts kids or animals, I don’t put up with that) This is America, and even if I do not like what you say, you have a right to say it. Be as phobic as you want to be, if you have nothing better to do. It is within your rights to be as gawd awful as you want to be –  but people have a right to go to work and not feel betrayed. Keep it polite.

One final thing that I ask us all to keep in mind – there is a very old saying….almost older than the oldest profession and it goes like this:

Don’t sh*t where you eat

Because once you Tweet it….

There are a lot of show biz questions running around –

Does it really improve your career if you throw in with the scary people who live in the ‘Centers’?

Don’t act like you don’t know who lives there – mwahahahahaha

Are we ever going to find out who a certain couch jumper likes to sleep with?

 I hear she doesn’t need the money….

…what’s it like to have access to more money than the Catholic Church?

Turning the G in Scientology to “Gee, I don’t THINK so…”

…hmm, thus far my examples are all relying on the knowledge of Katie Holmes….(I must go out and buy a mini-Burberry raincoat for my niece and say 5 Hail Mary, Kiki Kiki’s immediately!)

Here is something I get asked a lot, so here it goes…

Many people wonder if there is a Gay Mafia….

When in doubt, ask Madonna

 

Sometimes it’s called the Pink Mafia, or Lavender, sometimes the Velvet Mafia, but it all means the same thing – and the answer is yes.

 

 

Now, WHO’S EXCITED?

 

 

Am I going to tell you who is in it? No. You can pretty much guess…

 

Now, do they look scary? Don’t wrap yourself in cheap chicken sandwiches, what is cuter than this Family?

 

oh – NO ONE who appeared on, or who will ever appear in “THE A LIST” is in the Velvet Mafia! That show is stupid.

Velvet Mafia” is a term we refer to in “The Hollywoodland” – the cabal of Writers, Agents, Producers, Casting directors,  PR folks, Studio Heads, and…they’re Gay. (So if all you want to do is protest them and eat bad chicken sandwiches, turn off your televisions, don’t go to the movies, and stop reading) Instead of dealing in high priced items that fell off the back of a truck, they are working on corralling talent, making motion pictures or television shows, and having scads of absolutely fabulous parties where scandalous things occur.

 

Turn that thing off, you want us to get arrested?

 

Allegedly.

 

 

Sometimes with themes.

 

My Cousin, Aussie Photographer William Yang took this one

 

There is even a Jr. Velvet Mafia that is all the up and comers who will eventually be the power brokers of the future. We call them Assistants. Don’t EVER be rude to an Assistant or they will hand you YOUR ass with their next promotion, cuz you KNOW who was an Assistant once?

 

 

EVERYONE!

How do I know this?

My hair is so big because that is where I hide all my SECRETS!

 

I have been to those parties and I am not saying a word. (OMG so fabulous, you’d DIE, oh crap, shhhhh)

Actually, you could follow fellow Fairy Princess, @MsLisaChang on Twitter and you would get the idea.

The best thing for you to know about the Gay Mafia – and the subdivisions – the Power Lesbians, the Politicos, the Cleaners – is that it does exist Virginia, and if I told you more about it they would have to kill me. Or at least rescind my invitations, which would be the same thing. Social death is equally painful.

 

 

There can be Gay Mafia in any industry and in any city – it’s just a bunch of folks who socialize and share information about the business they are in. And then take it over. To make it better…. and at some point it’s handed to a Lesbian with a Clipboard and it’s totally and completely way more efficient. 🙂

They are not out to rip children from the bosoms of their Parents, they are not out to ‘turn’ anyone, or corrupt antiquated ideals of marriage – it’s just business. They are businessmen.

 

 

Fairy Princesses are the Consigliari’s of the Gay World. Got it? No, don’t nod. Just…you got it?

 

Kylie, Kylie, Kylie – Oi, Oi, Oi!

 

Ok, good. Now shut up…..Or you will wind up with a Unicorn’s ass in your bed.

 

 

Remember – WE NEVER HAD THIS CONVERSATION….CAPICHE?