One of my most important rules is that Fairy Princesses do not, I repeat, do NOT go to Circuit Parties. If you are reading this and thinking, “SHE IS NOT TALKING TO ME” –  YES. I. AM.

Now, if you are wondering what is a Circuit Party, you are a beginning Fairy Princess, or you’ve done so many drugs, you’ve blocked it out.

A Circuit Party is a party that extends for a number of days, involves very little clothing, drugs, dancing, all kinds of scandalous sex and NO WOMEN! Unless, they are lesbians – and even then, I don’t know too many lesbians who go in for Circuit Parties that are the non Dinah Shore ones.

This is not a time to cozy up to your Best Gays and tag along. Sometimes there are events where you, my dear Fairy Princess, are not welcome – and Circuit Parties are such events. No one at a Circuit Party will want to have sex with you – and people go to meet and have sex, ergo, you will just be in the way. (Unless you have been invited by the Promoter to perform your hit song from your Reality Show, don’t do it)

A discerning Fairy Princess floats around the scene and knows when and if she needs attend something, and is confident in her choices to not attend events.

Circuit Parties, however, are something you definitely need to know about, if only to figure out where all your Best Gays have disappeared to every so often. Be advised – if they have gone off to The White Party, or the Black Party – you are not going to hear from them till they get back. If you do not hear from them within a week after they get back, then you panic – but not before. You can stretch that to 10 days, realistically. Do NOT call the Police if someone goes ‘missing’ after they tell you they are going to a Circuit Party for at least 24 hours. Most recently a Mother in San Fran called a massive search for her ‘missing’ son who, as it turned out, was out ‘celebrating’ with someone he had met and his cell phone battery had died…ahem, they make you wait 24 hours to report someone missing – in most cases, they will turn up within those 24…if your friend is someone responsible and is not known for careless recreational drug use, just breathe, he’ll show up.

Circuit Parties started on Fire Island as an offshoot of Tea Dances – no, not Tea Parties! This was before FOX News started scaring everyone and telling us that Gay People having equal rights would lead to the fall of our society. Originally Tea Parties were social mixers were there was no alcohol served, then there was alcohol served, then they became larger events hosted by Drag Queens, then came Gay Pride,  so obviously, they grew. Circuit parties generally have a theme and are professionally produced by Party Promoters and DJs. Sometimes they give their admission price to charity, and sometimes they don’t.

The larger parties are:

  1. The White Party in Miami, FL – oldest & largest
  2. Black and Blue in Montreal, Canada
  3. White Party in Palm Springs, CA (don’t call it “The”, you see the difference)
  4. The Purple Party in Dallas, TX
  5. Southern Decadence, New Orleans
  6. Hellball, San Francisco
  7. Gay Mardi Gras, New Orleans
  8. Volcano Party, HI
  9. Dinah Shore Weekend – for the Ladies, the Lesbian Ladies – NOT YOU
  10. Winter Party, South Beach, FL
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