The Dao of Zhao, aka what the #RSC should say to East Asians

November 14, 2012 //
4

Here I sit in the Colonies, and I have just read The National Arts Council’s letter to Mr. Victor Wong, who is the Executive Director of the Chinese Canadian National Council. Mr. Wong quite obviously wrote to the RSC in light of Artistic Director Gregory Doran casting China with a coat of white paint. And good for him! Bravo! I toast Mr. Wong with a cup full of maple syrup whilst wearing a Mountie hat! Thank you Mr. Wong.

(My Canadian Chinese Cousins will be duly impressed by this. I don’t really know them, we are apparently related through a Great Grandfather with multiple wives and concubines, but what are you going to do? That’s China for you. A First Cousin married a Canadian actually, with my same name, awkward, but she has a fabulous company for Ex-Pat Canadians in Oz called Oh Canada !)

The letter is from Nigel Hugill, I will pull a bit of the text.

Selection of letter posted previously
on FB Group site

What has occurred to the Fairy Princess, sitting here twiddling my toes in the lovely, balmy LA weather, and having just been to The Ovation Awards (LA’s Theater Awards) last evening is, that the Royal Shakespeare Company is very uncomfortable with language.

What’s that you say? But what is theatre if not language? The theatre is language and costumes and sets all designed to tell a story to make you think. There are plays that make you think about a variety of subjects – about love, or sex, or money – plays are designed to make you think. On occasion, there are plays that make you think about issues that you are uncomfortable with.

The Orphan of Zhao is one such play for The Royal Shakespeare Company.

It’s all very “words, words, words, I’m so sick of words” And it is not, actually the words Asian or East Asian or Casting or Diversity or Multi-Cultural – those words they are willing to fling about like ramen in a food fight.

What is getting their goat is one other word, and it is not supercalifragilisticexpealidocious.

The word is….wait for it…apology.

I mean, yes, to apologize is to throw yourself on a sword a bit, Mr. Doran, but it’s not necessarily fatal. AND…I happen to have one right here, as a matter of fact:

In Chinese, a sword is called
a “Dao” – I am going to call this one…Zhao

Just kidding, just kidding – don’t throw yourself on a Chinese sword Mr. Doran, you would be vastly uncomfortable and definitely need a tetanus shot.

What is odd to me about this whole situation, is that the Brits are known world wide for some very particular traits – Beautiful Princesses

Princess Diana, just stunning

Princess Sophia of Hanover,
(she was smokin’ in the 1650’s)

Learned Scholars,

William Shakespeare
well, I suppose he’d prefer no women
a’tall in these shows – isn’t it funny to
look back on all these theatrical prejudices
and laugh….

Sweeney Todd (the legend, not the musical)

NO EAST ASIANS IN CHINA – FETCH MY KNIFE!

and..what is that other one…don’t tell me, don’t tell me….oh yes, ETTIQUETTE!

Isn’t the British standard held up for the rest of us because of their love of protocol? Doesn’t everyone have to have a card to leave on a silver plate with the butler while we wait to gain entrance? Isn’t everyone on baited breath to see if they will be received by the Host should they be having an ‘at home’?

It does not take a village, nor a an upbringing by a starchy, staunch Nanny to know that when you own a dog and it takes a big poo on the street, your obligation is to pick up the poo. (Preferably in a small plastic, recyclable bag which you then deposit forthwith into a receptacle of the trashy variety)

I like to think he is saying “No East Asians in China? That’s LUDICROUS!” Because in my fantasy this lovely English Bulldog ‘gets it’.

But THAT is not what Mr. Nigel Hugill is deciding to do. He has decided that all this kerfuffl-ing is not something he need immediately be concerned with. He is taking it under advisement. He is now off to don a smoking jacket, after checking his stocks on the “Change, and toddle off to his Club to enjoy brandy, cigars, and the company of his Peers.  Poo on the streets? Didn’t bother Mr. Nigel, he just stepped right over it.

Mr. Hugill – the Fairy Princess is not on the British Arts Council, nor has she fluttered her wings across a West End Stage (and this whole thing has really stuck a pin in that one, wouldn’t you say?). However, you need a few smacks with the wand if you think that the British ‘love affair’ with East Asians has, in any way, given you any leeway in this situation. You don’t have a heck of a lot of credit with us, you are in foreclosure for the following reasons:

Exhibit A: The Mikado – yes, originally written to protest British mores, but that’s not the way it’s usually done is it? Nope, usually done in “Yellow Face”

Exhibit B: Jonathan Pryce in MISS SAIGON

Mr. Pryce explaining how he
changes his eyes to play Asian.
The Fairy Princess loves to hate this photo

Yes he did Miss Saigon in Yellow Face, till the Yanks yelled about it – so off went the prosthetic eyes, and off almost came the ENTIRE US Production as Cam Mac jumped up and down and raged about the right of his team to cast someone who was not Asian, as a Eurasian.

Well. Well. I am actually Eurasian so….you all were half right, or rather half wrong in that case.

But now we are on to Exhibit C – The Orphan of Zhao

I have a lovely friend who is a Broadway Veteran, who happens to be multi-racial, who said to me: “I don’t believe in people saying they don’t see color. How do they drive? What they should say is that they do not react to color, that they choose not to acknowledge it.”

There’s been all this back and forth about who is right and who is wrong and who is responsible for Artistry and so on, and it is time to call it a day. I would rather play with a Corgi and drink Earl Grey and forget this tiff with those of the British Arts Council and it’s minions.

Thus, The Fairy Princess is going to be magnanimous. She is going to ‘break it down’ for Artistic Director Doran and all the Members of the British Arts Council who are happily looking down upon the East Asians from their Ivory Tower of Pomposity. Ready? Here you go:

YOU. NEED. TO. APOLOGIZE.

Take a page from the book of La Jolla Playhouse, they apologized. Seriously, Moises Kaufman apologized.

See, once you do that, everyone can move on.

Digging in your heels and sulking that you were right, does not make it so, it makes you look like Veruca Salt in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Here’s what you say:

Dear (Insert a respectful address, if you can bring yourselves to, won’t you?)

We at the British Arts Council and The Royal Shakespeare Company have heard your complaints. Given the vast amounts of attention that our Casting of The Orphan of Zhao has warranted, we have had time to look at the issue from all sides. While we believe fully in the talent of our current Cast, we do think that we made a mistake.

Casting a play set in feudal China with a majority of Caucasians, was, in fact, the wrong thing to do.  While it was not done with malice, and cannot be undone, you can rest assured that the RSC and the British Arts Council will do everything in their power to make sure that this is never done again.

We value our UK Citizens who have East Asian heritage, both those that are in the Performing Arts and those who are valued Audience members of the RSC. We hope in the future, to go forward, working together, both to expand our  knowledge of world plays and to respect the heritage from which the play came.

Our deepest regrets for any hurt feelings, we never intended that this be the result of what we hope will be a long collaboration with China, bringing their stories to our stages.

Yours truly,

Vastly Superior Public School Attendee blah, blah, blah, multiple letters from her Majesty blah blah

Seriously, just do that. No, go ahead right now and DO THAT.

Why? Because you are a Leader, and Leaders are not afraid to admit mistakes – they are only afraid to repeat them.

I would like to quote Terrence McFarland’s Ovation Award Speech, from the event I attended last night. Terence is an exceptionally thoughtful and erudite man.

Terence McFarland,
Exec. Director
LA Stage Alliance

“I am reminded that we, too, as theater makers, are in service.

Twenty years ago on the Taper stage a group of artists came together and served.
They were a bellwether in the perception shift of a plague and redefined what was possible to accomplish in a single, epic play.

Margaret Mead’s quote seems apt: ‘Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has. ‘

I challenge you, citizens, to embrace the sentiment inherent in Kushner’s infamous line from Angels in America:

“The Great Work Begins.”

And thus, The Fairy Princess challenges The British Arts Council and the RSC to allow the Great Work that they currently DO, to embrace what has been mentioned previously, and allow their future Great Work to include more East Asians.

It is possible to do Great Work when dealing with those whose heritage includes The Great Wall.

The Great Wall of China.
WHERE? CHINA!
YEP, THAT China.

ESPECIALLY if the show is set in CHINA, FEUDAL CHINA!!!!!!!!!

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Categories Uncategorized

British Critics Buggering the #RSC

November 9, 2012 //
3

I wanted to go to sleep. Truly. I have an almost 6 month old, and sleep is much appreciated by all who dwell in …my dwelling. (Well, that’s where we dwell, so that would be about right, wouldn’t it)

Where ELSE would a Fairy Princess live?

But thanks to the Socialest of Social Networks I was sent links. LINKS! Before I went to bed! Now I can’t sleep! And what were they of, may you ask? Rightfully so. They were about the Royal Shakespeare Company’s production of The Orphan of Zhao.

Now we all know what happened in China oh so many years..well, I mean we all know EXCEPT the Royal Shakespeare Company. They don’t think Chinese people happened in China at all. (Did you see that baby in the trailer?) As far as the Royal Shakespeare Company is concerned, what happened in China is that the Royal Shakespeare Company did not want to get confused with D’oyly Cart,

so rather than do a shuffling and scraping Mikado and take down Japan, they were going to have a cultural smackdown with China and erase the Chinese people.

(Oh, notice that the set designer has put Asian faces on his little stick figures in the design? And how Doran said he could place it anywhere, Nazi Germany or such, which would have made sense with his Casting, but he chose to keep it in China….just…just…well, just cuz)

It’s like watching Hollywood adapt a film based on a Manga comic book!

(“You are the last of your kind” Oh…the last white boy, oh dear…has anyone checked Cleveland? Or Harrow? I’m pretty sure there are a few left.)

But let us not dwell on Gregory Doran, as he is veddy veddy British-y busy, what with his Ring Cycle of Repertory, and lollygagging to China to swipe their masterpieces – let us move on to the reviews.

Historically, the British Critics have provided scathing and yet, ultimately quite accurate reviews of their theater. They never fail to tell us if someone has discovered a penultimate performance within themselves or whether a James Bond franchise is an appropriate place for a Dame, or anything vaguely like a Dame.

I love Dame Judi so much, I would
almost be ok with her playing Chinese…
wait, no, that’s a lie, that’s a lie – but
I still j’adore her.

But this is what tilted The Fairy Princess’s tiara today, and it is a doozy – none of the reviews have given more than a glancing mention to the fact that there are no Asians in Asia!

Are they confused? Do they not know it’s set in China? When they hear Emperor, are they looking for the Holy Roman one? Are they turning in their seats, paging through their programs looking for Hapsburgs and getting confused?

No, I don’t think so, as every review first off mentions that this play, this Orphan, is “The Hamlet of China”. Perhaps it is calling it “The Hamlet of China” that is confusing. Maybe they are stopping, mentally, with the word “Hamlet’ and imagining Danes of all kinds trying to wash out damned spots? When really the only damned things they have washed out of this play are East Asian Actors with lead roles.

(There is one Maid and 2 Dogs that are played by East Asian Actors, but the Maid is murdered and the dogs are really puppets. I can’t imagine they are verbose, the dogs. Unless they are pulling Timmy from the well. Like Lassie.

Lassie…why does that kid keep falling
down a well? You need another kid.

Who was played by an actual dog. And yes, they had wells in Feudal China, because…WAIT FOR IT… just like every other human on the planet – Chinese people require water to live. Ah, the similarities are astounding!)

The Critics are siding with The Royal Shakespeare Company!

“East Asians you say?
In the THEATRE you say?
What, what? Never do, Never do,
Fetch me my snuffbox and an inkwell
I must write the Prime Minister”

The East Asians who were not even asked to audition and who then rose up in Interweb protest on several valid points have been dismissed summarily as ‘sour grape actors’! One Critic even went so far as to tell us that ‘the best actors got the job‘.

How do we know that?

We know some very fine Actors were cast, it is after all, the RSC, but what we do NOT know is how many East Asian Actors were called to audition for a play set in Feudal China. Artistic Director Doran says that he called ‘lots and lots’. What a very precise number, did he go to public school?

In an informal survey, out of the approximately 100 or so Actors who were of East Asian descent that they could have called, the RSC called eight.

Eight.

I have more fingers and toes than that. As do you, hopefully. Go check. Go check now. Ok, look at your hands,

So MANY to choose from, but just
pick TWO, and now count…I’ll wait

now take away your thumbs and any hope of evolution….

Well, I’ll be a Monkey’s Uncle
looky thar, no opposible thumbs! Great!
Now count again – I’ll wait….

Yes, that many Actors of East Asian Heritage were called in for a play that boasts 17 parts and takes place in China.

Please place your thumbs back on your hands.

The Guardian said “while I would have liked to see more Asian actors on stage, this should not diminish the power of an extraordinary theatrical event.”

Quite right. It IS Extraordinary that there were not more East Asian Actors on the stage. It is, indeed, a powerful statement that the major critics are perfectly fine viewing “The Chinese Hamlet” without Chinese people.

I wonder what ELSE the Critics would be perfectly ok with?

Stealing tuppence from children? Firing a nanny for sliding down banisters? Forbidding Mrs. Banks to attend Suffragette meetings? Asking Cook to mind the children? Doesn’t that all lead to anarchy? A ghastly mess?

Here is the point, and the Fairy Princess will make it ONE MORE TIME – so that the Critics and Interweb Racial Identity Stalkers Who Post Crazy Crap will get it –

You cannot just decide to co-opt Asian stories, keeping the costumes and character names, making the set and props ‘authentic’ and then conveniently leave out the faces that go along WITH those other things.

And remember, the World is watching – how do I know that? I read The Huffington Post.

THE HUFFINGTON POST here in the States said of The Orphan of Zhao “In a play designed for Chinese characters, the bias seems to reach absurd levels of discrimination.”  Thank you Ariana Huffington – OPA!

REALLY MR. PRYCE, REALLY?

Aren’t racists tired? I mean, here in the States they are all crying over Election results and threatening to depart our shores to go to England or Australia. (As an Aussie, I find that offensive since Oz has Universal Health Care, a National Voter System, a Female Prime Minister etc.)

It has GOT to be just EXHAUSTING being so afraid of other people all the time, even while you insist you must tell their stories, use their identifiable costumes and structures to build the world of the play…. and it’s just not cool, Folks.

Five spanks of the wand to the British Critics, save two, because when they could speak up and make a difference and raise awareness, they chose to kow tow (yeah, I said it like that) to the “Establishment’ and try to push the East Asian Actors under an Oriental Rug.

To the Critics at The Guardian,  BBC, The Express & Star, and everyone EXCEPT  The London Evening Standard who said “The fuss about casting was justified‘…. and The Stage –You can all KISS MY FAN TAN FANNIE

(And Congrats to the British East Asian Actors who look to be getting their Forum to talk about all this in the open – you fought the good fight, and you must stiff upper lip it and carry on!)

Categories Uncategorized

Who IS The Fairy Princess?

October 27, 2012 //
0

Last week, David Henry Hwang congratulated my lovely pal, @MsLisaChang on her recent blog posting about the Royal Shakespeare Company. Much merriment was had by all, and I realized though I had written quite a lot about a variety of subjects, I had not put in my bio so no one was really sure of who was writing.

So here goes – (Oooh, maybe I should write it in the third person….first person is soooo awkward for bios). Otherwise this is going to sound like a songwriter’s endless “And then I wrote…” cabaret – and while life IS, and I have done a lot of it, I think the third person is the way to go. I’ll put a photo up though, so we are all clear who we are talking about:

Erin Quill - The Fairy Princess

Erin Quill – The Fairy Princess

ERIN QUILL holds a BFA from Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh. She was in the Original Broadway Company of AVENUE Q.  She was in the 50th Anniversary Production of  FLOWER DRUM SONG as Madame Liang. She toured as Lady Thiang opposite Debby Boone in THE KING & I. (She is obviously very grateful to Rogers & Hammerstein)

She has also appeared in NON Asian specific roles in musicals such as – Godspell, Pippin, Closer Than Ever, Anything Goes, and some straight plays, the NY Comedy Festival, The NYMPH and so on.

 

As a blogger, she has been instrumental in bringing to light the disparity of Asian American (among others) representation in entertainment, with a focus on, but not limited to, the American theatrical stage. Her writings have had an impact in several instances – particularly in the rise of theater conferences about the lack of API representation, the cancellation of the All- API production of SHOW BOAT, the replacement of The King in Dallas Summer Musical’s production of THE KING AND I, the issue of blackface and yellowface makeup in Opera, Operetta, and Broadway shows, and so on.

Her speech at LA Stage Day was the most highly viewed internet video from that particular conference, and has even been adapted (crediting Ms. Quill as the writer) into a performance piece in the U.K.

 

In August of 2015, Playbill.com named her as one of the most useful women on social media in theater.

IMG_7878

Her work has been linked to, quoted, or been source material for pieces on Diversity in Entertainment from such papers/internet outlets as: National Public Radio, The Huffington Post, CNN.com, Playbill.com, The New York Times, The LA Times, Backstage, Broadwayworld.com, The Wall Street Journal, The International Business Times, The Guardian, The Stage, and various papers around the world. Her blog is read internationally, and as of August 2015, has over 130,000 views.

An active cabaret performer, her show “They Shoot Asian Fosse Dancers, Don’t They?” has been seen in Los Angeles, New York, and at the Sydney Cabaret Convention. She has been seen at Therapy, Splash, Birdland, Don’t Tell Mama’s, The Ritz, and a ton of other spaces she can barely recall and which you likely will not care about – however she loves singing for her pals, Scott Nevins & Ryan O’Connor on their Musical Mondays at Eleven in West Hollywood.

One of the Musical Theater workshops she is most proud of having been a part of is Jason Robert Brown‘s Honeymoon in Vegas, where they expanded the role of Mahi from a few lines to the sidekick of Norbert Leo Butz’s character, Jack Singer with a great song.

Ian Paget, Erin Quill, Raymond J. Lee

Her TV Credits include NYPD Blue, Damages, NYC 22, The Following, Nurse Jackie, and several pilots.  Her Voice Over work is showcased on the E! Show, Starveillance. She did a pilot for Bravo called DISHIN’

and another called SCREENING PARTY, based on the book by Dennis Hensley. She plays a cop in the film, MAN ON A LEDGE (which got her an email from her Cousin in Australia, and other things like screen time)

She appeared on SIRIUS Radio as a sidekick to Dennis Hensley who was Guest Hosting.

She appears in and is a Co-Screenwriter on the Feature Film, THE MIKADO PROJECT, now avail on DVD on Amazon.com

You can read The Huffington Post‘s review of the film, HERE

Her second feature script as a writer, QWERTY is in Post Production, and another feature script, K-TOWN, P.I., has been optioned. Erin has written on Diversity based on her experiences working as a Casting Assistant, a Commercial Director’s Rep, and her being chosen by both FOX and CBS Networks for their Diversity Showcases. Her article “Why Are There No Asians On Television” was widely circulated and one of the highest read articles on the website IMDiversity.com

Asiance Magazine profiled her as an Irish Asian, read the interview HERE

LA Times Review of Closer Than Ever, read it HERE

Asianweek Guest Blog by Erin Quill for Closer Than Ever, read it HERE

LA Times Review of the Play, The Mikado Project, read it HERE

She has done fundraisers for Broadway Cares/EFA, Desert AIDS Project, Los Angeles GLBT Center, Sparkle Concert in Palm Springs, Celebrity Doodles in Palm Springs, The Trevor Project,  The Matthew Shepard Foundation, Victims of 9/11, and many more.

Review of Sparkle, read it HERE 

EQ is thanked in a few books – Screening Party by Dennis Hensley, 101 Must See Movies for Gay Men by Alonso Duralde, Queens In The Kingdom by Jeffrey Epstein & Eddie Shapiro, Exile In Guyville by Dave White – because, just like Sharon Stone in The Muse, she’s a muse. All of those are avail on Amazon.com and you should buy them, because my friends are amazing.

She started her blog at the request of her Husband, Chil Kong, probably so he did not have to listen to her rants at home. When her post “Moises Kaufman Can Kiss My Ass & Here’s Why” hit over 20,000 views, he demanded a thank you. All right, all right – Thank you.

Chil Kong & Erin Quill

So now you know.

Erin is represented by The Luedtke Agency in New York City.

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Categories Showbiz, Tony Awards, Uncategorized

Pucker UP #RSC, cuz I am bending over….

October 18, 2012 //
35

The Fairy Princess was sitting, all snug in her bed, while visions of Equality dancing in her head…when from across the Pond, there arose such a clatter, she sprang from invitations to Conferences to see what was the matter….

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water….

Gregory-Doran_avatar_1412690540

This is Gregory Doran, and he is British. He is not ONLY British, he is ‘veddy, veddy’ British, and has been acting and directing with the esteemed Royal Shakespeare Company since 1987.

He is more British than Downtown Abbey, he is more British than Dames Maggie, Judi, and Peggy ! (Though he is in fact Nothing Like a Dame.) What he IS, is a conqueror.

William-the-Conquerer

Whoops, that is William the Conqueror!

In the great tradition of the sun never setting on the British Empire, he has helped make England once again an Invading nation! Not just of hemlines and great butts….

Pippa-Middleton-garticle-2

…but of theater, no wait, I have to spell it their way – Theatre!

Gregory Doran, the Lord Dudley of Dialogue, the Wolsingham of Words, the Essex of Iambic Pentameter, he has DONE IT!

He has conquered CHINA!

Not even MYTHIC China, but actual, true, Yuan period China!

Just to catch you up,  the Yuan period  was founded by the great Kublai Khan, (who was the Grandson of a little guy with an attitude problem called Ghengis. Yes, Ghengis Khan. Who was Mongolian. Which, is Asian.).

This is John Wayne as Ghengis Khan
Maybe he can get a job in The Orphan of Zhao?

Right after Khan decided ‘if you like it better stick a flag in it‘ – which was in the 13th Century, there came a playwright –  Ji Junxiang.  He wrote, they believe 6 plays, but this, The Orphan of Zhao has survived the ravages of time AND was the first zaju (Chinese “Mixed Drama or Play) to be translated into a Western Language! Go Ji Junxiang! Author, Author!

OK, so it’s translated. Now what do we do with it?

If I was looking for a British company to take a new spin on a  Chinese classic, which many give the same weight to as a little forget me not called HAMLET, I would likely pick The Royal Shakespeare Company.

And not just because I have dual citizenship with Australia and am therefore under the realm of

keep-calm-and-carry-on

And not just because my Mum happens to be an Advanced Teacher in the British Royal Ballet System and was the youngest to ever achieve that, and then they raised the age limit and it will never, ever be done again. (My Mom kicks ass and takes names en pointe!)

No, I would pick RSC because they are known for great work, and a play that has stood the test of time like The Orphan of Zhao, deserves that. Who would do a better job at a centuries old play with a new translation?

Why NO ONE! No one could do a great play better than the Royal Shakespeare Company – they have swords, they have training, they have accents, and they have cheeky bits they throw in for the commoners. They even went to China – real, actual, modern China, to find the right look for the show. All of which I applaud.

Research is a key ingredient to theatrical success, and after doing all that research, they decided upon this image to promote the show:

orphan-zhao

Look at that PUNIM!

Ah, but does it look like THIS punim?

116240901-fn_354750c

Yeah…uh…not so much…..

If you have read me before, you know from past posts how much I love it when they put Emperors of China into plays and guess what – there IS an Emperor of China in this play! I wasn’t sure what an Emperor of China from this period was going to look like, but not to worry, not to worry –Gregory Doran knows, because when he wrote about going to China for research, he used this picture of an Emperor of China on his blog:

AAM_Ming_Prince_Zhu_Youyuan

So of course, when casting his play he went with this guy:

large

Steven Ventura, Emperor of China

Because that just  made sense.

Oh ALSO in this show is a Chinese Princess! Perhaps they are going to try harder with this one, because the Princess is a pivotal character and kills herself and all that kind of stuff. This time I am going to find my OWN image of a Chinese Princess – I mean, I cannot keep relying on Gregory Doran, he’s busy!

182aafe10ae0e4208acbd380985eafff

So…how did I do, Mr. Doran? Am I close?

2CB53A6CE-D086-AF2C-16C160E695DDC441

Lucy Briggs Owen, Princess of China

Apparently not.

Let’s throw it to Lady Grantham

In fact, there are 17 Actors in this show, The Orphan of Zhao, and  out of those 17….3 are of Asian Heritage. Which explains this Cast Photo:

AN_11624474-Read-Only

And this one:

A rehearsal for the Royal Shakespeare Company's The Orphan of Zhao. Photograph: Kwame Lestrade

Out of the three Asian heritaged actors 2 of them play dogs, and one plays a maid.

Holy Nanking, Batman!

So lemme get this straight – this is a Chinese play, the setting is China, they went to China to get the technical aspects right, but what they did not bring back from China was the notion that there are CHINESE PEOPLE IN CHINA!

What? They went and saw La Jolla’s Nightingale and thought “Oh, the Colonies, they always get it wrong, I know exactly how to fix this!”

This is not a male Swan Lake,

this is not a Sondheim musical where people sing and dance during patter songs while playing a tuba

– this is a play SET IN CHINA!

n-SILK-ROAD-MAP-628x314

How many times do we have to talk about Diversity in China during the 13th Century?

I repeat, there WAS NO DIVERSITY AMONG THE EMPERORS IN 13th CENTURY CHINA!!!!

WHY?

BECAUSE IT IS GD CHINA, WHITE PEOPLE!

If you set a show in Africa, Mr. Doran, would you cast the Emperor of Africa as a Caucasian Man?

anigif_enhanced-20100-1396482706-3

I’m thinking, probably not.

I will state, for the record – I have NO, count it zippo, nada, nunca, no problem with Diversity. I LOVE DIVERSITY. But here’s the thing, translate the play – go ahead, fine, Bravi for doing it, but do not set it in CHINA! Put it somewhere ELSE. Or, here’s a thought…crazy but it might work – CAST ASIAN ACTORS IN A PLAY SET IN ASIA.

Because to Chinese people, the title of EMPEROR OF CHINA, or PRINCESS OF CHINA means something. For heavens sake, would you cast Joan Chen as Princess Diana? Could she play it? OF COURSE – would British people believe it? No. This is not just bursting through The Great Fourth Wall, this is using dynamite and boiling pitch so the fire can be seen from space!

Here is the kicker RSC, and bloody hell is it ballsy- you take a CHINESE play, take OUT the Chinese people, and then you  have a link to order the tickets & get play information IN CHINESE- IN CASE CHINESE HERITAGED PEOPLE WANT TO GO? Hooker say what?

I’ll tell you what I would say: cào nǐ zǔzōng shíbā dài (肏你祖宗十八代) = screw your ancestors to the eighteenth generation!

Actually, RSC, you are quite behind, here in the Colonies we went through this months ago. There was a retelling of Hans Christian Anderson’s fable, The Nightingale, the leads were Caucasian, and of the two APIs in it, one was a BIRD (sound familiar?) and the other was a spoiled Princess.

Which offended my eye, so I plucked it out and wrote about it.

Then you see, over 25,000 people across the globe read my blog post about The Nightingale, and it set off a giant ruckus. Which led to a ‘talkback’ with the Asian American Theatrical Community at La Jolla Playhouse. The next time their AD was directing a show, Glengarry Glen Ross he did THIS:

Diversity, in an appropriate way, did great things for that show – it had fantastic reviews, because Diversity is how the world looks today. Everyone won. The Fairy Princess has no problem with Diversity. The Fairy Princess has no problem, personally, with the Actors cast in The Orphan of Zhao – I am sure they are amazing, they are after all, with the Royal Shakespeare Company!

The Fairy Princess has a problem with the Artistic Decisions made in Casting this show. Because Asian Actors are completely and totally underrepresented in commercial and public theater. Therefore the ‘argument’ that you are making the cast Diverse by casting Caucasians as Asians is like saying you are starting an All Girls School that will only be attended by the Men of Manchester United. It doesn’t make sense.

And no, crazy Interweb nutjobs -don’t yell at me about once upon a time  ‘there was one black actor in a Shakespeare show, or the second spear holder past Caesar’s epaulets could have maybe been Asian.’

That’s not an excuse to white wash CHINA.

Now, likely, yes, I am not going to work in England, regardless of my passport, because of this post. And likely, Gregory Doran is going to view me as an Upstart Yank who doesn’t know what she is talking about.

Mr. Doran, I want to let you know, that I happen to be Irish, Welsh, and Chinese – with dual citizenship from the USA and Australia. My Family, on both sides, has been under British rule for centuries, so when it comes to Imperialism, the family has had it’s fair share. Why are you hearing from me? Way over here across the pond?

I am pissed off for my fellow British Asian Actors.

This is WORSE than The Nightingale!

(But I bet La Jolla Playhouse will be sending you a muffin basket of thanks)

You have a trailer with accents! Starring a Caucasian baby! Who comes next on the screen?  A Caucasian man in a peasant hat that you likely bought IN CHINA…when you were doing research for this Chinese play you chose to do! You haven’t even tried to ‘escape’ the issue by calling it something stupid like “Mythic China” (Steven Sater, I’m talking to you). You are setting the show in real, actual CHINA!

I am just…I cannot….words have escaped….you are the ROYAL SHAKESPEARE COMPANY!

Act Royal!

Fie on you, Sir – FIE! I lay the bulk of responsibility for this fiasco of international relations at the door of Artistic Director Doran – because he is Directing, and wrote a blog about all the research he was doing,  but how could anyone who wrote/adapted a play about China allow this to happen?

JAMES FENTON – wherfore art thou?

Veddy, veddy bad form and five swipes of the wand to you, I beseech thee, m’Lords –

Kiss my Fan Tan Fannie!

Oh and PS – MOISES KAUFMAN APOLOGIZED!

Which means I scored a HIT – a VERY PALPABLE HIT! (Ahem)

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Categories Diversity

Picking my Edible Arrangement

October 11, 2012 //
0

Authors Note: A day after this was published, I received an invitation – to sit in the audience.

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Life is not fair. We know that. A day or so ago, I had to explain it to my dumpling of a niece, who wanted a cookie, and I had to turn her down. I don’t know if she wanted it as a ‘reward’ or if she just wanted it because Oreos are among life’s little treasures, but her Mommy told me no, and I received sad Toddler face.

Recently I was reminded…again (though honestly it is almost daily) how we cannot look for reward for doing anything. You just have to do things because you have to, in order to be able to look at yourself in the mirror.

I imagine Plastic Surgeons everywhere use this image as a threat

Now, I have been mulling this all night, I didn’t sleep very well because I found out that even though I ‘started’ the party, and even though I let everyone know where the party was, and who was not invited, and EVEN THOUGH it began a new fresh conversation about who gets to come to the party….

They are having another party and I am not invited.

This is the second party to ‘discuss invites’ that I am not invited to. Although having my opinion and stating it on the record, or the colossal behemoth that is inter-webetary travel, is what started this very beginning. Which is, as Maria always sang, “A Very Good Place To Start”

Which means that the people who now want me to not say anything, seems to include the VERY people I was talking about.

Say it, don’t spray it!

Or perhaps it’s more “Thank you SOOOOOO much, Voldemort, we’ll take it from here, please go morph a piece of your soul into a rock and let a little Boarding school chappie find you in a few dozen years’

Anyway, having a conference is always a good idea.

So is crediting my blog. I stand by what I wrote and I stand by the resulting sh*tstorm that happened in a mythical land called Ja Lolla.

So is sending me a Edible Arrangement.

Leave the fruit, take the cupcake

So this Lady Who Lunches is off to raise $$$ for some people who have never let me down – Broadway People – and I hope you come out and support

THIS FRIDAY, like TOMORROW!

And nope, I won’t be at that conference – it’s invitation only. Guess who is not invited to talk about Diversity?

The gal who co-wrote the screenplay for this:

Now avail on Amazon.com. In fact – screw the Edible Arrangement – buy the DVD

Tamlyn Tomita, Erin Quill, Yuri Tag

Categories Uncategorized

People who need to hear songs sung by People who are not the Person who sang “People who Need People”

October 11, 2012 //
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‘Once upon a time’…. is usually how fairy tales start, and it is the basis for a life lived in the entertainment world. Actors, who are not famous, are rarely asked their opinion, because…well, no one cares who I am voting for in the next election…

Ok, maybe HE cares who I am voting for

Ok, ok, ok, people who want to have the ability to achieve the American Dream care how I am voting….

Memories…light the corners of our mind….
(Listen, Babs is back in Bklyn, I’m sentimental)

WHOOPS! Not that American Dream….

Jonathan Pryce, dreaming of winning his TONY
Which…he did, thanks for that Antoinette Perry

(Ok, shaping up to be an American Nightmare…holy Nightingale is that offensive!)

Anyway, I am not famous and no one really cares how I vote other than people who troll the internet looking to argue with me who believe that right is might or Mitt is it or whatever the heck ‘it’ is.

It’s my vote, and I’m going to go my own way. Hopefully more than 47% of us feel the same, I would be happy with  51%.

Showbiz IS an American Dream, and it’s a luxury for those of us who live and work in the Entertainment community to do so on a consistent basis.  We generally do not say much beyond the 140 characters provided for us by App Geniuses, and sound bites are often pre-scripted by people funnier than anyone currently appearing on the Shopping Channel.

But here’s a way that we can share a ‘vote’ if you will – this coming Friday night, as a tribute to Barbra Streisand’s return to New York and specifically Brooklyn, I am sharing the stage in a Benefit for Broadway Cares/EFA. It’s a “One Night Only” thing

HOW can you NOT buy a ticket?

And I want you to come, if you can – if you are in New York and you are People – if you are People who care about a Person who sang about People Needing People, and if you are a Person who cares about HOW MUCH of a difference you can make just by attending a show that you are guaranteed to like ANYWAY kind of person. Just one special person.

I mean, LORNA LUFT? ANN HAMPTON CALLAWAY?

This is a charity that came together for the best of all possible reasons – to help sick people. People who need more than the usual amount of help, in a climate where health care costs are skyrocketing.

Broadway Cares – and so, I hope, do you.

This is it, my personal invitation – please come.

Let’s Vote with our Hearts, all 100 per cent of them.

Come to the show & your heart will grow three sizes that day

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Wherefore Art Thou, Oh Gay Agenda…

September 26, 2012 //
1

Ah Tuesday, it seems so innocuous…it’s just there, the morning on which I recover from singing at Musical Mondays – last night bedecked in sequins and feathers, ok the feather part was new, usually I just look like Honey Boo Boo’s older Asian Auntie.

However, it seems that things can happen on a Tuesday, Virginia, oh yes they can. On Tuesday, while catching up on social media time suck, one of my friends posted this article from a waaay far right, so far right they are actually in the ocean, so far right, they circle the globe with their far right-ness and smack themselves in their own ass website, that I thought it was a joke.

It’s called   14 Outrageous Secrets that a Homosexual will never tell you

Needless to say, I was intrigued – after all, I have heard it ALL, Grrl – there’s almost nothing that a Homosexual at some point has NOT told me. Sometimes, I pretend I am Madonna’s son Rocco, and I start screaming “Stop Talking, Stop Talking!”  I wish I could find that clip from the DRIVEN special on MTV to show you. It’s kind of amazing, because at some point, haven’t we all wished we could yell at Madonna to stop talking? Or at least stop talking with an English accent – I mean, she is not from the mythical country of Europea!

Anyway, I started reading, and immediately I started laughing, because I thought this was a ‘joke’ blog. You know, like The Onion – but…it’s not. So I thought, as good Fairy Princesses should, I would go through it and, well, discuss – His statements have been ‘bolded’, and my answers are beneath.

‘1. Homosexuals Bleach Their Anuses – probably to cover bruises or lashes from sadomasochist sessions”

It’s Los Angeles – we bleach everything. The entire city often seems sponsored by Clorox. Anal Bleaching in LA is like getting your teeth capped, or a photo facial – both women and men do it – and truly, I know more women that do, because straight men like them to wear thong, tha-tha-tha- thongs.

Hair? Check. Teeth? Check.
Anus? I’ll leave that to a tatted up Rock Star

‘2. Mutual Masturbation is the Primary Reason for Gym Membership”

Dude – I worked at a Gay Gym. The primary reason for Gay men buying gym membership is so that their long term partner doesn’t poke their tum-tum and say, “Hey, you’re looking a little chunky, Monkey”.

You know what the difference is between Straight men joining a gym and Gay men joining a gym?

Gay men GO to the gym.

C’mon, you’d totally ‘hit it’

Also, the classes at a Gay Gym? TOTALLY BETTER than at a Straight Gym!  Yeah, straight gyms rarely have the latest equiptment or Showtune Spinning or AfroBrazilian Dance or anything other than Step Aerobics with Jane Fonda’s choreo from the 80’s. That is why Straight women go to Gay Gyms – better classes, cleaner facilities, no lines at the bathroom, and no one lewdly giving them the eye while they try and stretch out their hamstrings.

‘3. Homosexual Marriage will usher in an epoch of international terror.’

I have been to several Gay Weddings. Unless you are terrified of a tasteful flower arrangement, or think that they are hiding anal bleaching kits in the amuse bouches, there’s nothing to be scared of. Unless you are the Caterer and the food is bad, then you SHOULD be terrified – I mean, this is a GD Gay Wedding – there are STANDARDS!

And btw, Entertainment at Gay Weddings? Awesome. Like, Broadway superstars stopping by to throw down a tune or two Awesome. And if they can’t make it, call me…

“4) Heterosexual women are far less likely to get married if they socialize with gays.”

I am a Fag Hag, I am Married, I have a kid. I am also thanked in 5 Gay Books, and am even on the cover of one:

I am totally thinner now, fyi

 ‘5) Same sex desires are purposely being spread from humans to the animal kingdom.’

I watch Animal Planet and National Geographic. Animals that are homosexual in the wild include dolphins, monkeys, giraffes, penguins, sea gulls, koalas, cattle, chimpanzees, caribou, bison, brown bears and cats (not the musical, but…well, it IS a musical).  I’ve got a little list, I’ve got a little list….

‘ 6) The radical liberal agenda of early television shows lured many youngsters into the dark world of promiscuity.’

He blames GOLDEN GIRLS

I would have gone with “Designing Women” myself….

‘7) Gay bars operate along the same principles as Muslim terrorist cells.’

What Gay Bars has he been going to? He should come with me, I go to some really fun ones.

‘8) Today’s youth generation is using sex as a weapon to destroy American values.’

He blames the Twinks.

First of all, how does he know the word “Twink”? Methinks he doth protest too much. Perhaps he has been tap tap tapping on the bathroom stall floor? Let’s be honest -Sex as a weapon is usually the domain of Mistresses and Wives who know their Husbands are cheating.

I blame Twinks for stuff too, but mostly for things like calling Steel Magnolias ‘that old timey film from like, the twenties, right?”

For not knowing who Greta Garbo was!

OR for insisting Lady Gaga is better than Madonna! UH….there would BE no Lady Gaga without Madonna, cuz if none of us elders learned to “Express Ourselves”, Y’all couldn’t line dance to “Born This Way”.

‘9) Hardcore sodomy is the most common way same-sex adherents achieve gratification.’

To which I reply “Sodomy, it’s between God and Me..” and every other lyric from RENT.

Also – Comment dis tu Rough Trade, Mr. Billings?

’10) New York Magazine is a hotbed of secret homosexual propaganda.’

This one?

Maybe this one?

A straight guy did this makeup

’11) The foulest excesses of sexual congress known to mankind are held among a highly exclusive group known as the “bears,” but the mainstream media refuses to investigate them.’

Investigate Bears? Why? Bears are sweet, besides you ever see a Bear with Forty Foot…

Sorry, sometimes I inadvertently Sondheim. But why investigate? Are they missing? Here’s some you can find right on the shelf. Go ahead, investigate them. To do it REALLY well, you have to buy their books.

Here’s what I have to say about ‘Bears” – best bunch of guys you will ever know. Bears will  give you a hug when you need it. Bears will invite you to dinner parties and won’t judge when you have seconds.

Now, have I been to ‘raunchy’ Bear parties? Yes – and it’s always an accident. I have also been to Fraternity Parties – and this is what I have to say about that – as far as I know, no woman has ever been raped and gotten pregnant at a Bear Party. I cannot say the same for a Fraternity Party, because it happened to a friend of mine.

Bear Party v. Fraternity Party?

Bear Party, paws down.

‘12) Glee is intentionally recruiting children into the world of homosexuality.’

I don’t like mash ups of Show Tunes and I find Rachel insufferable. However is it ‘recruiting’? No. If it was recruiting, there would be a piece of paper to sign up – and the last time I checked West Hollywood, I didn’t see a list. I was there Monday.

’13) Rachel Maddow is a liberal, a lesbian and a lousy newsreader.’

SHOCKING, he is  threatened and yet attracted to Rachel Maddow? Yeah, she is kinda hot – as are most brainy women.

‘14) Cat ownership is a sad substitute for healthy, Christian relationships.’

This one had me ROLLING on the floor! I am NOT a Cat Person, I’m allergic. But how is this an Outrageous Gay Secret? Everyone knows that Cat People are weird – that’s why they are Cat People. Are Gay Cat People weirder than Straight ones?

Well…as I say, I watch Animal Planet – the people that are hoarding the cats? Straight people. Also, their cats are ferrell and gross looking. I have seen tons of Gay Owned cats, and ya know what? They are better groomed than I am! And I wear sequins!

Look – his whole article is ridiculous, steeped in prejudice and fear. The Fairy Princess takes a dim view of dim people. You know who cares about ‘the Homosexual Agenda” in my mind?

People who are closeted, self loathing homosexuals.

You know who is NOT worried about “The Homosexual Agenda”?

Everyone else.

How is this in ANY way Christian? That’s like me saying I am a Deep Sea Fisherman because I eat sushi. To quote Dolly Parton in a really bad movie “Get down off the Cross, someone needs the wood”.

The Fairy Princess believes that if you read the Bible, you will see that part where it says we were all created in God’s image. All. That means everyone. That means, actually….the Deity has a bit of a flair.

Think about it.

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Categories Bears, Cast of GLEE, Circuit Parties, Diversity, gay pride, Gay Republicans, GLBT, Honey Boo Boo, Show Tunes, Showbiz, Tony Awards, Uncategorized

You roll your eyes, I’ll roll that little head of yours…

September 19, 2012 //
1

I said, on my initial post, that I might write, upon occasion, about people who cannot parent in public. If I had a dollar for every parenting theory out there…I would probably have about $10,000, but I’m not debating Tiger Mom-ness over breast feeding an eighteen year old. I will leave that to the experts.

Forget “Parenting” this kid is going to be attached to his Therapist

I am writing this post as an Aunt. I am the Auntie to one of the most adorable kids on the planet and I take her, very often, to the library. Why?  I like to read, and  I wanted to share that with her. Since she was about five months old, I have taken her to the library and read her a few books – in fact, she’s been there so often, that all the librarians greet her by name – she’s the Mayor of the Children’s Section.

She is also only 15 months. She’s little.

Recently I took her to the library, and there were other kids in the section – not unusual, it’s the library. There were two children there whose ages I would put at about four years old, and they both had adult supervision, well, kinda.

The little four year old girl had a Nanny, who was doing her best to remind her how to behave – and that little girl was fine, until she met…oh let’s call him…..Zeke. (I don’t know anyone with a kid named Zeke so that’s why I’m picking it)

This is what I imagine Zeke was channeling

Dear old Zeke had a Mom, she was right there, sitting on the couch next to him, not paying any attention to him. She was thumbing through TIME Magazine, texting, and in general, letting the world know how annoyed she was at being heavily pregnant. A condition which I was sympathetic to, having given birth myself about a week prior.

Zeke’s Mom was uninterested in Zeke – she was letting a Nanny, who Zeke did not know, who was there with other kids, try to get him to sit down. Nanny had an infant in a carriage, so she was distracted and it was hard for her to keep both four year olds contained.

Zeke decided to start hurling the books across the table, because that seemed fun. It seemed fun to him, and to the other little peanut he met there, let’s call her Apple. (I’m choosing Apple because I don’t know Gywneth Paltrow). So there are Zeke and Apple, playing caber toss with children’s books, and on the other end of the table is me, and my little Niece who has two working eyes, which I was hoping she would not lose at the library.

I was keeping a keen eye on Zeke’s physical prowess, which drew the ire of his Mom. Now, it’s interesting to note, she didn’t give a rat’s ass about the fact that her son was behaving in a way that could possibly hurt other kids, nope. What she was concerned about was ME. My eyes specifically. The fact that she looked Caucasian and I do not, may have played into it. She had quite a few things to say about my eyes.

I have been asked if I am Anime

“Why do you keep looking at him!” she said. And, actually, I didn’t know she was talking to me, because I was involved with my niece, and reading to her – only looking up when a book came too close or when the screaming reached higher decibels.

Me: “I’m sorry, are you talking to me?”

Her: “WHY do you keep looking at him? Like, you keep looking at him, rolling your eyes. You should keep those eyes away from him. Don’t you dare roll your eyes at him”.

Me: “I was not rolling my eyes. He’s throwing books, I don’t want her to get hurt, some of them were pretty close”

What she was implying was, that I was rolling my eyes because of her lack of parenting. (And let’s face it, I was – but on the INSIDE because I was way more concerned with ducking that flying copy of  the latest Newberry Award Winner.)

Her: “Oh. That wasn’t what I thought you were going to say.”

Me: “And what did you think I was going to say?”

Her: “Nevermind”

I suppose she thought I was going to yell at her about her lack of parenting in public.  Or perhaps because my niece looks Caucasian and I do not, she assumed that I was the Nanny, and would not dare to speak to one of the Moms. Which happens quite a bit, because my Niece and I have completely different coloring – she is blond and blue eyed, and I…am not. Mom was ready to tell me off, she was gearing up to be confrontational, and honestly, she picked the wrong person.

I frequently joke that I was ‘raised by Gay Wolves’ and if someone sasses me, I am not above a ‘shade throw’ to put them in their place.

Excuse me, Detox, someone would like a word….?

However, I had a 15 month old with me, and my first job was to make sure she made it out of the library in the same condition I brought her in. With both eyes and no bruises. So I just stared her down. Like I thought she was crazier than a rat trapped in a coffee can. I stared so hard I thought I was in a movie about people with extraordinary abilities that are metaphors for being Gay. I was “Storm”.

Hell to the No! Put that book back on the shelf!

She finally moved herself to call Zeke to her side, ostensibly to ‘help’, which it did not – because Zeke began screaming at the top of his lungs. He broke from his mother, grabbed a book, screamed, and then threw it in our general direction. I grabbed my Niece, and a few books, and started to take her to another section.

At which point, that Mom started screaming at me, asking me why I was leaving, when she was trying to ‘help’ by corralling her son.

Soooo many answers ran through my head, and I have watched enough Reality TV to know the ins and outs of table flipping. I had a choice to make, as an Auntie and as a human being – do I take the high road, or do I let his very, very rude woman have it? I wrapped myself in my inner sequined dress, boa, and five inch heels, I levitated with umbrage.

I replied, “I am leaving, because your son is misbehaving. I do not want her to learn that his behavior is acceptable in the library, because it is not. He is throwing books, and you are letting him – which is dangerous. You are texting and reading a magazine. You are not parenting right now, when now is the time to do it. Ostensibly before you have to send him to military school for bad behavior. I am moving her to a safe distance now, Good day.”

I was Dustin Hoffman, dressed as a woman, bidding good day to Dr. Brewster on a mythical soap opera.

I grabbed my Niece and we went to a quieter section and successfully read several stories. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched the woman quickly gather her son and loudly take her leave. Yelling the whole time that she was leaving. My Niece and I watched her go.

In retrospect, I think I was more Julia Sugarbaker.

The other lady there, who had been largely silent – the actual Nanny, also gathered up her charges. As she took her kids out, she stopped and looked at me, and gave me a thumbs up.

I pretended that I was Mary Poppins and that while neither of us were ever to speak of this most infamous of days – a day of raised voices in the library, I understood her thumbs up. Spit spot.

Parenting is a job. I know, because I have it. On that day in the library, at least one of the Moms was ‘unemployed’.

On a final note – my 15 month old niece can spell. Because I read to her, and spell things when I take her places. She knows what the P-A-R-K is. Also that she likes to S-W-I-M in the P-O-O-L.  I like to think that I teach her something new every time I see her.

On that day, she learned that you do not have to curse to be a B-A-D  A-S-S.

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Categories Uncategorized

So THIS happened today at Starbucks….

September 13, 2012 //
1

This is what happened to me today, and I thought I would share it.

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I enjoy the “Bucks…I’m a caffeinated bit of trouble when I start my day sucking on a green straw – as perhaps you may have noticed when casting a musical in a mythic land….not that I suggest you do that.

I used to be able to get more work done at Starbucks, but lately, every time I go in, someone sits with me, or next to me, and they start talking. I think I just have ‘that face’.

Today I was ‘busy’. I looked ‘busy’.  I had a laptop.  I had a large drink with a green straw that Mayor Bloomberg would have taken away from me (But seriously, Your Honor, it had no sugar, it was just a very large glass) and there were two ladies sitting next to me conversing in another language that I recognized, but do not speak myself. However, they switched at one point to a language that I am familiar with, French, and something about the way I twitched must have given that away, our tables were inches apart. We began speaking.

We exchanged names, but I am not going to share that here – because there is a safety issue for one of the women. Let’s call them Dolly and Molly, after Dolly Levi and the Unsinkable Molly Brown.

They were very excited to talk to me once they realized that I was a ‘real American’. They thought I was European because of the way I look,  and because I understood a smattering of French. After they asked about my heritage and what I ‘identified as” (I replied “New Yorker”), the next question Dolly asked me was one that has plagued women as long as there have been women and men – “Why do men cheat?”.

I gave some opinions, they gave theirs.  I said, “Well, I never really understood cheating, because if you are unhappy enough to cheat, then be honest about it and divorce”, at which point the Dolly pointed to her friend and said, “Like her, she divorcing now, very bad.” I said I was sorry to hear that.  Molly looked at me and said, “It’s like…movie with J. Lo, you know? With the boxing? And there is one with Julia Roberts, same thing. Like me.”

The films Molly referenced are both about women running away from abusive spouses and having to hide. The whole conversation then changed, it became at once specific, and at the same time, universal.

Molly was not from America, and she was trying to divorce her husband. I say trying, because her husband was refusing to recognize that she wanted to leave. He had taken the children (2 teen girls and a young boy) back to his country of origin. She had left with one suitcase, and taken no jewelery, no money – just her suitcase and their children. She had taken out a restraining order in the United States. However because she had been with her husband since she was twenty, and because he is, as many domestic abusers are, very persuasive, he had been able to convince her that she did not need a restraining order, after all, he was in another country, right?

The minute the restraining order was lifted, he came in the middle of the night and took the children back to his Country. There was nothing she could do. Throughout their marriage, Molly was subjected to extensive physical abuse, because, until the birth of her son a few years ago, she had ‘only’ produced daughters. This led to her husband buying a house and a Mercedes for his Mistress, and installing her a short distance away from their home, which shamed her in front of her neighbors.

He told her, “If I cannot get a son from you, she will give me one.” Even after Molly gave birth to their son, he kept his Mistress. He continued to beat his wife. Had anyone looked closely at Molly, they would see a small groove on her cheekbone. She fills it in with makeup.  When I have seen that kind of mark before, it has been from being struck by someone wearing a ring, although I do not know if that is the cause in Molly’s case. Molly is now in her late 30’s.

I asked if she was working with a lawyer here, and she told me she was. Dolly was with a Human Rights Organization, and was very supportive – they shared an ethnicity. Dolly told me, even though she has returned to her country of origin for trips, she no longer ‘identifies’ herself that way. She told me that ‘Education is freedom’ and that her greatest wish is for women everywhere to educate themselves so that they only would marry if they fell in love and he was ‘a good man’. Molly said she would like to find a good man, and smiled when she called her husband, her ‘Ex”. It took her about a half an hour before she stopped saying “My Husband” and switched to “My Ex”.

Dolly pointed to her friend and said “Look, look at her, see how beautiful? Why? Who would not love to have this woman as their wife?”. Molly has a chic haircut, wore a beautiful dress, heels, no jewelery, and her face was beautifully made up. To look at her, you would think she is a ‘typical’ Los Angeles dweller, upwardly mobile and able to spend six bucks on a blended drink without thinking about it. She shared so much, I wondered if she would regret it later, but in listening to her  I realized that, on many levels, she ‘needed’ to be heard, she ‘needed’ to be seen.

She told me that her Husband was very wealthy,  very well respected in his Country. For Molly to have left him is a huge insult, and she is afraid. She is afraid for herself and for her two daughters, who are nearing teenage years. Her Husband could tell them anything about her and then marry them off to men who are just like him. He has cut off any support, she is on her own. When she first tried to leave, he had her committed to an Insane Asylum, so that her ‘word’ was no longer ‘good’ with anyone who knew them. Her son is very young, and will likely forget her if she does not return.

Molly hopes that her children will understand, but she knows she might never see them again. When she went to the restroom, I asked Dolly if she had a way to support herself. Dolly said Molly is in college, and they are giving her a place to stay, and support and so on. She said that they are going to help Molly fight for her education and her children.

When we parted, I wished them so much luck. Dolly thanked me for listening, she told me I was ‘A very nice lady, educated, you see? Educated, very good.” They both told me, repeatedly throughout the conversation, how happy they were to be in America. How much they admired American women.

I know I am going to think of them often. I am unlikely to forget Molly’s face or her circumstances. I would love to punch her husband ‘in the kisser’, as we say in New York. Not that violence solves anything, but I would love to. It would make ME feel better, because hearing this story, my emotions were…well, all over the place is putting it mildly.

Some last thoughts about Molly, she deserves to have them said – she is absolutely gorgeous, non Muslim, and fluent in several languages – in case you thought you knew where she was from. I am also hoping, that she is like the nickname I gave her for this posting, unsinkable.

Here in the States, we’ve been hearing quite a lot about the “War on Women”. Listening to Molly, was a sobering reminder that in many parts of the world, women are not even part of the discussion.

In 2009, the Dalai Lama said “The World will be saved by Western Women.”

Let us hope so.

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Categories for reelz

To Honey Boo Boo and Beyond….

September 13, 2012 //
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The Fairy Princess has been notably absent from the world wide interweb for a few weeks – which in cyber space is a time as lengthy as it takes a child to grow. I was too sad  to write, but eventually, I did get to thinking that it’s time that I took a stand on a key issue plaguing our fair nation. There has been huge debate. It is time I stood up…

I’m just going to say it. Get ready….

I watch Honey Boo Boo.

The one, the only Honey Boo Boo

There, I said it. I know you are all supposing I laugh at “A Dolla Makes Me Holla” type comments, and I do –  but not for the reasons you might think. I laugh, because Alana has a rampant amount joy in her, and that Family loves one another and has a great time.

The Fairy Princess like happy families, and if they are happy families who do pageants and dumpster dives,  so be it. Maybe, having just lost my Dad, I am getting more pleasure than I would have thought possible at watching a Family who gets along. What fun to watch an Actually Real Housewife! I mean, who wouldn’t enjoy a Teen Mom who is not smacking around her Baby Daddy on MTV while trying to juggle a possible modeling career and defending her breast implants?

There are no breast implants on Honey Boo Boo…though, it IS only the first season.

Look at Glitzy ‘hoggin’ the middle of the photo

In HBB world,  Momma June sometimes rolls out a tarp and makes a mud pit at the end of it with a hose, so her kids can slip and slide in the crazy hotness of a Georgia summer.  I am a Mom now, and if my son came and asked me for a slippery slide, I would move heaven and earth to get him one – even if the earth was in my flowerbed and eventually became ooze that infiltrated every fiber of the Berber carpet. He wants mud, he gets mud.

I also love that Momma June Shannon is making Kris Jenner k-rap her pants with the thought that they may ‘out ratings‘ the giant K! (Kris Jenner would never make a mud pit in her Calabasas Castle of K, unless she thought throwing Kim and Kanye in it would result in K-illions of dollars.) Kris does not find Honey Boo Boo very K-lassy. Not having Kris Kommendation  keeps Honey Boo Boo up past kurfew….nah, her bedtime is probably at 8pm.

The Shannons have a crazy house, but no crazier than any other house I have been to in my world travels, so….if Alana wants to have a gay mini-pig named Glitzy who does pageants with her, well slap that piglet into a tiara and let’s go! (Alas Glitzy had to go, because there was a Grandbaby coming, farewell Glitzy, we hardly knew ye)

If what makes people uncomfortable about the show is that, as Alana says herself, they are fat, well…so what? As Christmas Eve from Avenue Q says, “People come in all shapes and sizes”.

Rod wants you to REGISTER!

I love that Momma June knows she’s a catch – she’s pretty sure that she’s going to clean up real nice as soon as she ‘slaps some paint on this ol’ barn’.  I wish I was as confident as Momma June. See that? We can learn confidence from a 307 lb mother of four, who lives with her Baby Daddy in rural Georgia. Truly, she has more energy than I, and definitely better math, because Extreme Couponing? Couldn’t do it. Not in a million years.

I love Big Ang too. Big Ang would never whack anyone, I know that in my heart. Even if she went to, her spray tan would make the weapon slippery and she would rather do shots at the Drunken Monkey anyway. No, Big Ang would not whack anyone, I know that in my heart. (Karen or Renee, I’m not so sure about)

I am hitting The Drunken Monkey next time I’m on Staten Island

I have heard quite a lot, lately, about what makes a Family. Apparently we are allowed to judge on major television networks and in sound bites. The Fairy Princess does not enjoy this part of the electoral process.

Judging should be isolated to Talent Shows and Olympic Events. Those are things where there can be a clear winner – did Ussain Bolt come in first? Why yes he did, so…HE WINS! End of story. Kelly Clarkson sang her face off,  while that guy with the curly hair…had curly hair. KELLY WINS! End of story. (I gave up on AI after the first season)

The Fairy Princess has a very low view of those who would render Families asunder, based on who the Parents love. It was not so long ago in our Country, that a marriage between members of different races was illegal. Which would have made a difference to me, cuz, well…

I’m around 1 in this, don’t hate, appreciate.

And of course, would have been a bit of an issue for this guy:

Cool even then…

Who then became THIS guy:

The President of the United States

My point, and I do have one, is that people are programmed to love, but as Rogers & Hammerstein told us in South Pacific, to hate you ‘Have to be carefully taught“.

Love is not a reality show, no matter how many times MTV, VH-1, or ABC try to make us think so.

No, I will NOT accept this rose! This rose is unacceptable!

Honey Boo Boo’s Family sometimes does Extreme Couponing and sometimes they do Pageants. S’all good – sometimes I sing show tunes and wear glittery dresses, and sometimes I scrub the toilet while yelling at my Husband about his aim, that is not the point. The point is that Honey Boo Boo is one kind of Family, and my Husband and Son and I are another. I would consider them both equal.

The Fairy Princess has read, but does not rule her life by a Book that had more Ghost Writers than a Tom Cruise Press Release. The Fairy Princess would not take kindly to stoning anyone. (Unless they were unkind to children or animals – but I would probably call Big Ang for referrals).

There can be inspiration without condemnation.

The Fairy Princess believes in Families, and in Love, and in Science – and they are all compatible beliefs. The Fairy Princess, overwhelmingly believes in the practice of  compassion and generosity of spirit – and that Families come in all shapes and sizes.  Saying that one kind of Family is ‘first’ and using it to lambast another kind of Family is to deny what is most important about the word “Family”, and that is Love.

The Fairy Princess asks, as you vote this November, to please remember  that no matter what ‘differences’ you may see or believe there are between us, we are not all that different when you get past the surface –

We all put our tiaras on, one cubic zirconia at a time, don’t we?

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Categories Gay Community ettiuette, gay pride, Gay Republicans, GLBT, Honey Boo Boo, Show Tunes, Uncategorized
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